Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Stuff and Things

One of life's little truths: the sketchier the neighborhood, the greater the chance your car will immediately run out of gas. Last night, I was alone on the street except for a man riding a girl's bicycle (complete with streamers coming out of the handlebars) on the center line, carrying a pomeranian and an empty Wal-Mart bag and wearing a poncho despite the fact that it wasn't raining. I swear, he siphoned 4 gallons out of my tank using nothing but his eyes. I had to stop at an Exxon which appeared to be the setting for HBO's "Carnivale" and thoroughly enjoyed crouching behind my car door willing the pump to go faster as the Tour de Freakshow weaved through the parking lot, humming what sounded like the disco song "Knock on Wood". Good times. The insanity level only could have been raised had the guy stopped singing long enough to discuss Scientology.

Why does a religion with "science" in the name reject everything scientific? Please discuss.

Finally, in reference to the queries about my kitten-hatred, I offer only this: No, I have never been molested by a kitten, although "Show me on the doll where the kitten touched you" could be one of the best phrases ever. A kitten did not kill a member of my family. A drunk driving kitten did not crash into my car. Kittens never stole my family fortune. A kitten did not blackmail me into throwing a World Series. But I did once see a kitten eat the entire head of television and Broadway star Sandy Duncan.


An A-List Celebrity said...

I pulled up your page and the very first thing I thought was "hey, that's Sandy Duncan, star of "The Hogan Family. She played the sassy aunt who moves in after Valerie whatsherface left the show." What does it say about me and the volume of worthless information I carry with me each day that even sideways and as sandwich filling, I can still instantaneously create a mental mini-biography of a c-list actress. What a burden. Pity me, please.

J-Money said...

And she had a glass eye, let's not forget that...