Thursday, June 23, 2005

That's My Time

Oh you know that a crowd is ready for the comedy when the majority of them are sitting at tables reserved for The Roman Catholic Diocese of North Carolina. That's right, baby. Church groups love Uncle Charlie's...

It wasn't a bad night...just a quiet one. It didn't help that there were some, uh, interesting open mic'ers that went up early. Comedy isn't telling stories. Especially long ones involving a trip to Scotland and referring frequently to your flatulent elderly mother.

I actually think my weekend sets were just so mind-blowingly hot(t) that anything less than that would've been a disappointment. Well, unless the Catholics passed the collection basket to me. Oh, and gave me my very own stash of wafers. Maybe I should have told them that I would tithe 10% of my laughs to the Lord.

One of my setups referred to my high school class reunion--which of course didn't happen--because comedy is all lies. Hear that Mom? ALL LIES, especially when referring to sex, alcohol, and my questionable morals. Anyway, I say something about this reunion and someone shouts out "WHAT YEAR?" The hell, are you from What do you say to that? Other than, "Hey, thanks for drowning out my setup so that this punchline is going to hang in the air like the tainted cloud that follows a Qdoba dinner. Or that woman's stinky mother"

I also name-dropped a popular hotel chain and another woman yelled like I'd just healed her crippled child. Apparently, if you're La Quinta's Employee of the Month, you get a free pass to Goodnight's.

Thank God I did get some tips from the Bedazzled Wolf on how to be more whimsical. And more free White Lion energy drink. Looking at that shit in a bottle, you realize why Red Bull comes in an opaque can. It looks like two servings of Crystal Light Rehydrated Urine.

So now I'm at work, scanning approximately 93 images of cabinet hinges. I'm living the dream.

Runtie's comment of the night: "I love Mexicans. They always cheer for me when I'm running."


An A-List Celebrity said...

two t's? that's a good set.

J-Money said...

Both t's present and accounted for. A reference just for you.