Thursday, July 28, 2005

Shall We See It Through to Its Logical Conclusion?

1) Charlie Goodnight's did, in fact, rock like a hurricane last night. The crowd was young and drinking heavily, which is as good for comedians as it is for frat guys. I had one of my better sets and will have it available on DVD by next week. I'm sure all of my loyal readers would love to get a copy so that they may pass it along to comedy bookers in their area. Or so they can give it to their parents to say, "Who's a disappointment now? At least I'm not talking about my crotch in public."

I have a setup that references my former career as a stripper (again, comedy is all lies) and I was actually approached after the show and asked if that was true. Um, these people either thought that 1) I looked coordinated enough to rhythmically gyrate around a pole; 2) that strip clubs were getting more lax in their hiring procedures and that perhaps they too should get out their WD-40 and old majorette costume before heading down to the Gutter Ballz Strip Club-n-Bowling Alley; or 3) that I look like I have dangerously low self-esteem.

2) At the mall the other day, a store had Larry the Cable Guy calendars in their window. My guess is that if you purchase one of these items, you don't really have any important dates to remember. No "Meeting With Company President" to jot down...it would be marked up with things like "Custody Hearing" or "2nd DUI" or "Find my pants".

3) I am currently on Day 3 of my Crest Whitestrips program. It seems that these things whiten your teeth by melting the enamel off to expose the unblemished surface of your skull. Holy shit, I hope it whitens my teeth enough to compensate for the fact that I've been unable to brush them for 2 days. My gums feel like they were stuffed full of fish bones and then someone punched me in the face. Actually, I'm not sure there's any whitening effects at all. After a week of not eating or drinking, people are taken aback by your prominent ribcage and distended abdomen to notice your coffee-stained teeth. I'll stick with it though because I am not a quitter, dammit.

1 comment:

Blogger said...

I've just installed iStripper, so I can watch the hottest virtual strippers on my desktop.