Tuesday, October 24, 2006

A Baseball? Brings New Meaning to "High Hard One".

Of course, if my relationships were pitches they'd be down and away. Ding ding ding! Hey-oh! I'll be here all week...

This article in Cosmopolitan magazine is about sex, since everything they print is either about things to do during sex, how to meet someone for sex, and how to save both money and embarrassment by using everyday household objects to treat yourself for sexually-transmitted diseases. Until I read the September issue, I had no idea you could use a Swiffer for that.

The title of the piece (HAHAHA, that sounds dirty) is "14 Sex Moves You've Never Heard Of", which is true for most people not named Tara Reid because foreplay rarely involves the phrase "I double-dog dare you". Anyway, they're writing about items you can use during sex to heighten the passion and ensure that someone writes a limerick about you on the condom machine at the Shell station.

Things Cosmo says you should try--and I swear to you I'm not making any of these up--include a turkey baster, a baseball, saran wrap, and a stack of Scrunchies.

My question? If you still own Scrunchies, how the hell are you getting laid in the first place? Tara?

I just hope the kind of girl who wears Scrunchies can find the kind of guy who gets turned on when he finds a turkey baster in her nightstand.
And who doesn't know why she has a trashcan full of broken Swiffer pieces.

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