Wednesday, October 25, 2006

The Good Times Are Killing Me

I was sitting at a stoplight today and noticed that a reasonably attractive man (read: no weeping sores) was staring at me. Normally this would be cause for me to celebrate, perhaps by drinking a bottle of Boone’s Farm and passing out facedown in the Ruby Tuesday’s parking lot, but not before asking several tables of terrified diners if they’d like to see my jalapeƱo poppers.

Oh, but there would be no Kountry Kwencher today...

No, Attractive Guy happened to be paying attention to me at the exact moment that I was picking my teeth. Using the corner of a baseball card. He couldn’t have been more horrified. I tried to show him the card, hoping he’d think it was OK since it was Byung-Hyun Kim, but he refused to open his window.

His loss.

To prevent this situation from ever happening again, I crammed my glove box full of those red plaque tablets from the dentist’s office. So now any stoplight encounters with potential admirers can be interactive experiences. I can turn to him with my teeth dripping red like I’ve either made out with the Kool-Aid Man or feasted on the blood of the innocent and casually ask him to point out any places I missed with my toothbrush. And he can casually ask me to get out of his car.

I will, but not before he drops me off at Ruby Tuesday's.

1 comment:

August said...

the title to your post is a great modest mouse song off their last cd, "good news for people who love bad news". love them!