Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Maybe They Need to Calibrate Their Equipment

I just did the 'face recognition' thing on MyHeritage.com. Why? Because the Nintendo I won on eBay isn't here yet and I still have time before every waking moment is spent playing Kid Icarus.

Jessica Alba lookalike

Obviously MyHeritage is trying to get into MyPants. Why else would they tell me I look like teen idols Clarissa Explains it All, Kelly Kapowski, and that girl from The Princess Diaries who played a slut in that crappy movie about rich kids that tried to join a Mexican gang? Plus, MyHeritage keeps calling me at 2 in the morning, asking if I'd like to come over and hang out or eat some EZ Mac or something. What does that mean?

And Jessica Alba? Right. Maybe they meant Alan Alda.

If you're going to lie to me, at least make it believable.

Sample Dialogue:

Me: So, MyHeritage, here's a creepy picture of myself where I look like I've spent three days passed out facedown in an Estee Lauder blush compact. What do you think?

MyHeritage: If I squint, you look like Kimmy Gibbler or a thinner Carl Winslow or sort of like this woman that used to work with my mom and make everyone in the office buy her kid's Girl Scout Cookies. We used to hide from her but you're OK, even though you dress like a subway busker. Now please stop standing on my porch.

Me: Want to play Duck Hunt?

This is a more accurate representation.

Mr. Rogers Lady Elaine

Lady Elaine and I share makeup tips. Obviously.

P.S. This is as good a time as ever to finally post this.

Yankees Suck and Posada is a Bitch

1 comment:

An A-List Celebrity said...

According to MyHeritage, I bear a 60% resemblance to RUBEN STUDDARD.

Kyle always said I had a large black man deep down inside... I guess he's trying to get out.