Thursday, October 26, 2006

Stay Classy, Front Porch

I still enjoy calling Rick's Fried Chicken to ask them if they have chicken breasts, then when they confirm it I say "Well, I bet mammograms are really hard for you", cackle madly and hang up. Yes, I do that two, three hundred times a day. So obviously I don't give up easily. And I'm lonely.

I attempted to carve another iconic pumpkin last night and again it was more difficult than teaching Kevin Federline how to use a condom.

Ron Burgundy pumpkin

I could carve a more realistic likeness of Ron Burgundy from a chicken pot pie and some melted crayons, neither of which will stain your carpet like a pumpkin that's been thrown down the stairs.

The only solace I took from the evening was that my neighbor has yet to install motion detectors.

Tiki Statue.

I'm going home to listen to my Train CDs and sob. While I was next door, I was thisclose to filling his birdbath with some drops of Jupiter, if you know what I'm saying.

Oh, silly Train. From now on, whenever I proposition someone for sex, I'm going to do so by asking if they'd like to "Meet Virginia".

She never comprimises,
Loves babies and surprises (*Perhaps I'll save this line for the 2nd date)
Ain't it beautiful
Meet Virginia

And here she is again on the phone
Just like me hates to be alone
We just like to sit at home
And call a shitty chicken place
To ask if they have chicken breasts
Meet Virginia

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