Wednesday, November 29, 2006

And You Can Forget About That Sleepover Too, Mister.

I just read this article about how the United States is trying to send little Kim Jong Il (I admit, the first time I saw his name in print, I thought it meant Kim Jong 2 and I wondered what happened to the first one. I also thought that Teddy Ruxpin could really talk.) to the time out corner by refusing to export any iPods, plasma TVs, or Segway scooters to North Korea.

First, if NoKo can create a super top secret nuclear program (and you have no idea how much I hope the doors are marked with big KEEP OUT! THIS MEANS YOU! signs with a hand drawn skull and a heart that says Duran Duran 4-Ever) my guess is they can figure out how to get a Playstation 3. My neighbor’s kid can’t even read and he’s already got a bootleg copy of “Casino Royale”. If K-Jong’s underground network isn’t better than the one at Sylvan Learning Center, he’s got bigger issues. I mean, other than the fact that he’s the only world leader small enough to be captured by Gargamel.



Next, I like that we're banning products that America doesn't actually make. Why aren't we withholding things we've crafted right here in the US of A? Things like tomatoes. Or Ford Festivas. Or Labradoodles. That would teach him.

Obviously we’re going about this all wrong. We should actually send NoKo (I so want this to catch on) a surplus of Segways. Nothing could make Kim Jong License to Ill (that’s what Chris Berman would call him) look like a bigger douchebag than riding a cumbersome piece of metal that could be outrun by Estelle Getty, who may or may not still be alive.

The most disturbing part of this entire situation is that Angelina Jolie seems to be basing Maddox' hairstyles on Kim Jong Il. I honestly can't tell the difference in these pictures.




Oh sure Maddox is biting K-Jong's look, but at least he has an iPod.

Enjoy your Zune, North Korea! Enjoy your effing Zune.

2 comments:

August said...

Kim Jong Il is da shit man. Have you seen "Team America:World Police" by the same guys who do Southpark? OMFG, if you haven't you need to rent it asap. It is hysterical! It's done with marionettes & Kim Jong Il plays the bad guy w/this funny lisp & he even has his own song he sings("I'm So Ronery")! It's so outrageous, vile & downright offensive but funny as hell. I saw it in the theater, then bought the dvd when it came out.

That's so ass backwards that the US is refusing to send any of those tech items since most are made in Kim's neck of the world. Even before I got down to where you make that point I had thought of it. But hey, what can you expect from an idiot like W.

Monkey said...

It's not a 2? Damn.
Ever since seeing "Team America", I can't look at that guy without giggling.