Not a creature was stirring, mainly because they'd been drinking heavily after seeing a 27-year old wearing dinosaur pajamas. And clutching a stuffed dino named Peckerhead (because he has a beak, not because his head looks like a penis..even though I guess it kind of does. That Phallosaurus classification isn't just a clever name) even though his real name is Kyle. And she's wearing a pair of snakeskin boots that she bought in a size larger than what she normally wears, choosing just to wear really thick socks (And insoles. And a couple of packets of that stuff marked "do not eat". And maybe some oatmeal.) with them rather than to pass up a deal. And she was listening to "Fergilicious".
I hope you all get everything you want. Unless that involves watching Unaccompanied Minors. The version with the kids in the airport, not Unaccompanied Minors 7, which I believe was showing on Spectravision in the last hotel I stayed in, right after Charlie's Anals, but before Women Who Really Like to Do It With Other Women on Cheap Wicker Furniture While A Heinous-Looking Guy Makes Grunting Sounds and Pretends to Be Interested Even Though The Whole Time He's Wondering Which Is Better, Water That Comes Out of Your Refrigerator Or Water That's Been Brita Filtered.
P.S. If anyone is turned on by the above picture, I'm terrified. Unless it's Hugh Laurie.
That would be the best Christmas ever, save for the time I got a crimper.