Thursday, January 04, 2007

Today is the Greatest, Said Billy Corgan

Who obviously doesn't work at my office.

Today I created a new folder on my desktop and titled it "I am a Genius". Then about an hour later, I realized I'd spelled it "Genuis". Touche, right brain.

What does it say about me that finding Boo Berry on Amazon was the highlight of my day? Oh yeah, I ordered some. This means I'm going to get mail! That I can eat!

Confidential To My Practical Neighbor (And By "Practical" I Mean "Lesbian") Who Likes to Flaunt Her Frequent Online Purchases, Like Having a Couple of Boxes Crammed in Her Screen Door Makes Her Somehow More Valuable Than Me: Oh sure, you'll laugh when I'm on my porch shoving handfuls of cereal into my face. Go ahead. But just try pouring milk on that marshmallow-free shit you always order from Levenger. Why do you need multiple briefcases and business card holders? No one who wears tie-dyed Crocs has a job that requires a briefcase. Unless that's where you store your Applebee's AppleBuddy Apron.

More words from me tomorrow, including dispatches from the Orange Bowl and some other stuff that will move the disturbing-upon-multiple-viewings picture of my family in Lucha Libre masks down the page.

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