Friday, February 09, 2007

Reasons Why I'm Single, #853

So I'm leaving the gym this morning and walk out with the Attractive Fit Guy that I see in Spin class every day.

Note: he is not the guy who sweats so copiously that he has to place two towels on the floor beside his bike but, based on this morning's performance, should probably just start getting some sandbags from the National Guard.

Nor is he the guy who wears expensive cycling gear and is way too intense considering that the bike he's riding is bolted to the floor and across from a mural of multicultural schoolchildren standing under a rainbow.

And it's definitely not the guy who farts, then slows his pace as he gives everyone within ten feet an accusatory glance and feigns a search for the culprit when we all know that it's his own still-steaming ass. Sir, please save your cropdusting for the locker room. If I wanted to be exposed to your ass potpourri, we would be married.

Anyway, Attractive Fit Guy (AFG) gives me a hug before we take off toward our respective cars in the parking lot. Then we have this exchange.

AFG: Hmm...why are you so huggable?
Me: Because I don't have scales.
AFG: ---
Me: Or wings.
AFG: Gives me the kind of expression Tyler Hansbrough would give if you asked him to write his name in cursive. Or just to write, period.
Me: Not soft wings like, say, Pegasus. I was thinking more like a dragon. Or a moth, you know, how if you touch one of them, they get that dust all over you?
AFG: inches towards his car
Me:Then it can't fly and it just flaps around helplessly in a tight little circle so you feel bad for ever touching it, but then you remember that it was probably either going to chew something in your closet or die in the bottom of the light in your kitchen.
AFG: clicks the button on his keychain that unlocks the door, says nothing.
Me: Um. Well. Call me!

Great success.

1 comment:

C. said...

eh, to hell with'em. He can't be all that great if he didn't have a witty reposte.