Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Best. Fortune. Ever.

There is no possible way to improve this. In bed.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

MSN Can Be So Subtle

So when I logged in to check my Hotmail account this morning, this was the article it placed in my sidebar. First, I don't think I've been on a date since the Fresh Prince still lived in Philly, way back before his life got flipped, turned upside down, about the time it was appropriate to wear fluorescent bike shorts underneath a pair of denim cutoffs. I'm not saying I don't still do that, it's just an awkward feeling when the Target team members are standing in a cluster quietly judging you.

Back to the article. MSN has compiled a handy 5 item list of what men like to hear on the first date. Suggestion #2? “That’s pretty impressive.” Oh, MSN, you whore.

Conversely, they say that a woman should never ask, “So how do you feel about abortion?”.

Um, MSN, look, I appreciate your help but I feel like perhaps you've left a few steps out. Why don't you pick up the trail of clothing you scattered behind you like Gretel without the pinafore or the moral code and get back to me when you can tell me what's appropriate to say in the gap between those two sentences, things like "I never do this on a first date", or "Of course! I wear those shorts under the cutoffs. ", or "Really, what could happen? You're Tom Brady!"

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Concentric Circles

This car was in front of me at a stoplight yesterday. For a while I thought maybe it was Kathie Lee Gifford but I'm sure that she's always dragging a crudely made effigy of Kelly Ripa behind whatever she chooses to drive.

You can't tell from the shitty cameraphone pic, but the license plate holder says "I'm a Girl Scout Volunteer". Perhaps someone in the Girl Scout organization should examine why Troop 2494 didn't sell any cookies but did make 14,000 pairs of Air Force Ones.