Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Thanks for Noticing

So I went to the gynecologist today for my annual checkup. Before he Swiffered my mommyparts, he said he'd be giving me a breast exam, which is a line I haven't fallen for since prom. After he finished, he told me that my breasts were unremarkable, which is what I've heard from every man who's seen me naked. Sure, in this context it's good news, but isn't there a more delicate way to put that? And why did he say the same thing about my calves, my teeth, and my personality?

I really hate the awkwardness of those appointments...the way he walks out and coolly tells you that you should get dressed, the fact that there's rarely any snuggling, and that it costs at least $25. And by "appointments", I could very easily mean "my last four dates".

Finally, he didn't find it amusing at all that I referred to the ancient doctors in his practice group as Gynosaurs. That's probably why we didn't spoon.

UPDATE: I'm sure you've all watched my WXII audition video by now. I heard today that I'm one of the finalists. I go into the station in two weeks for an interview, some on-camera work, and perhaps to find out why a station whose call letters mean "12" actually broadcasts on channel 11.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

I Need This Job.

So WXII, perhaps the greatest channel available on my TimeWarner lineup is holding a contest to find a host for their new show. So since I have plenty of free time, I entered with this submission, a glorious three minutes that showcases my creativity, willingness to set myself up for disappointment, and several of the reasons I will never marry.

I will be returning the hotdogs to Wal-Mart today, as soon as I can cram them back in the package.

Finally, jokes aren't as funny when you explain them (although 3rd grade was made way more interesting when Philip Cox told me what the punchline "Table 13, please stop squirting mayonnaise on the ceiling" meant), but the book When the Ravens Die was written by Cameron Kent, a longtime anchor on WXII. And no, I have no plans on returning it to Borders. Ever.