Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Come for the Tinsel, Stay for the Angioplasty

So my David Ortiz Hallmark Keepsake Ornament came in today and I spent entirely too much time debating whether to hang it from my rearview mirror until Christmas or just to string it on a chain and wear it as a festive pendant.

I had an intense internal monologue, where 'pendant' had a slight edge because I thought it would look pretty sweet with a turtleneck. Then I drove past Hardee's, where I saw this tasteful holiday display:


I was powerless to resist...I had to immediately put my Christmas ornament on a Christmas tree! Because if Hardee's says it's Christmastime then dammit, it's Christmastime! I came home and unpacked my reasonably priced but highly flammable fake fir tree and placed my new Ortiz-ament right at the top. Feliz Papi-dad! HAHAHA, I am so clever! And so alone.

That's right, I take decorating cues from a fast food restaurant, one best known for its casual attitude toward arterial health and questionable hiring practices. I mentioned my concerns (the holiday thing, not the hiring thing) to the woman who took my order this afternoon. She thought about it for a moment, quietly monitoring both the deep fryer and her glucose monitor. One or the other beeped, she handed me a warm paper sack, and said, "Christmas is in your heart and you can't put your heart on no calendar."

Exactly.

It's gonna be Christmas in my heart and in one corner of my apartment for at least two months. That's plenty of time to enjoy the tree, delight in the skilled craftsmanship of the Hallmark artisans, and hopefully digest that Hot Ham & Cheese.

6 comments:

Nate said...

I'm SO having Hardee's when I come to NC. I haven't had it in so long. Do they still have the Frisco burger? Mmmmmm....

Mike G said...

Frisco Burger? Oh my. Well, at least they chose a less apt name then Crisco Burger. Has anyone else noticed the SUPREME lack of Hallowe'en that's been going on in the past couple of years? Well, over at MY communal blog, (teacolective.wordpress.com, check it out, I'll love you forever,) one of my friends has blamed said fiasco (also a good name for a burger) on the greedy, needy CORPORATION's exploitation of Christmas' stuff-selling capacity. Now, does it scare anyone else that we're celebrating (or, SELLebrating, as I like to pretend I call it to be funny) a holiday TWO MONTHS before it actually happens? Imagine celebrating Columbus Day two months early...although, that would be a pretty AWESOME two months! (I am Canadian, so I don't celebrate Columbus day, nor do I have any idea when it happens, but I assume it parallels our National Moose and Igloo Day.)

Hot Librarian said...

I'm SO setting up my Christmas tree tomorrow. And possibly eating at Hardee's. Or not.

Craig said...

Christmas cannot begin until after the Michigan/Ohio State game. It's just one of those things...Then, and only then will my Charlie Brown Christmas Tree go up in my classroom.

Texas Gal said...

Point 1: I covet the Papi ornament. I must have one. And the next time we're at a Sox game (SPRING TRAINING, hinthint) we shall wear them on necklaces.

Point 2: I forgot where I put my Christmas Tree. Your post made me realize that. When I moved, I don't know what I did with it. Maybe those bastards who moved into my old apartment found it in the back of a closet and kept it.

Scooter said...

They were playing Christmas music at Caribou in the building today. It made me sad. I told my friend I should invent a whole suite of Thanksgiving music to interfere with the onset, and he suggested "I Yam I Cried" sung all Neil Diamond-esque.