Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Or Maybe Her Basement Flooded

So I went to Whole Foods to pick up dinner, like I do almost every night because I like weighing my salads. And buying plums that cost more than elective surgery. And because their stromboli is awesome.

I spent an embarrassing amount of time with my nose pressed against the deli glass, trying to decide which flavor of stromboli loaf (sandwich? helping? pup?) I wanted to adopt. Eventually I selected the ham and cheese variety, ensuring that by this time tomorrow I'll be praying for death and/or a bowel movement.

I lugged my meal toward the cash register and, of course, selected the line that had stopped because a thin, nervous-looking woman was demanding a price check. I craned my neck around a man whose t-shirt said "Re-cycling is Re-sexy" (and you, sir, are Re-tarded) to see five boxes carefully stacked into a pyramid at the end of the conveyor belt.

Five boxes of organic tampons.

This was disturbing to me on so many levels. First... FIVE boxes? Either she likes buying in bulk or her uterus is the size of Ohio. Regardless, I'm curious what organic tampons are made of. I couldn't see the, um, ingredient list, but I'm assuming each one is carefully crafted out of a corn husk, a barn owl, or Coldplay's Chris Martin.

Eventually she got her discount, took her five boxes, and left before anyone could suggest that next time, she should maybe just buy a roll of insulation. Or a tarp. Or a hysterectomy. God knows it would be cheaper than my dinner.

1 comment:

Mike G said...

I was going to make a funny comment about using tampons to stop a nose bleed, but then I realised that I heard that in the heart-stopping(ly horrible) movie, 'She's The Man'. I would like to apologize to humanity for ever even thinking of possibly referencing something so tediously torturous.