I was perusing Maury Povich's website today (or as I call it, "Cute Overload") checking out some "I Met My Daddy On Maury" onesies, when this caught my eye:
What I should've done was just post this picture, make a couple of "You are NOT the father" jokes and go back to eating my Kid Cuisine microwavable meal. But instead I dialed all 13 digits in 1-888-MAURY-SHOW and learned that you actually can purchase a "You are NOT the father" ringtone, along with "You ARE the father" (so you're covered both before and after your appearance on the program) the always popular "That's a lie!" and a "Your baby's mama is calling", accompanied by screaming infant sound effects.
For some reason, I found this insanely depressing. I couldn't even finish my Carnival Corn Dog, but that's probably because the packaging makes it look like a severed finger.
So yes, if you are someone whose phone shrieks "That's a lie" every time the creditors call to remind you of another overdue Rooms to Go payment, please let me know. I would like to meet you and, perhaps, give you the other half of this corn dog.