Wednesday, May 09, 2007

I Am Still in My Pajamas

But I did design one more shirt.

UPDATE: Spreadshirt is being a douche about the design. I revised it to only read "Go to jail", but they refuse to print it because they apparently own the trademarks for any declarative sentence. Don't worry, the shirt will be available later today at CafePress.

Go to Jail, Paris

See, this one is different because it encourages Paris to go to jail.

Shop by May 13 and save $5 by entering the code "ILOVEMOM".

The savings never stop! But, thank God, the shameless whoring will.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

You Say "Unemployment", I Say "FUNemployment"

Things to Do in North Carolina When You're Dead Unemployed:

This series will continue until I find a job that doesn't involve using a cash register, the treatment of open sores, or driving a novelty vehicle.

1. Design and sell t-shirts.

Regardless of whether Paris goes to jail, Tinkerbell the Chihuahua is the real victim...and has been from the day she (he?) was pulled from the litter, given a tiara, and placed in her new home, Paris' cup holder.

So why not buy a shirt to show your support for little Tink, the Hilton with the best chance of knowing how to read. They're the perfect gift for Mother's Day, especially if your mother is the type who likes Star magazine, Captain's Wafers, and being awesome.

Also available in Free Paris style.

Confidential to My Mother: Please pretend to be surprised when you receive one of these on Sunday. I don't have a real job. My gift-giving choices were limited to a t-shirt, a blanket my neighbor threw away, or a picture frame I made out of a Lean Cuisine box, Saran Wrap, and tears.

This Operation Brought to You by Pringles


This is either the greatest headline ever written or an unintentionally hilarious oversight.

Either way, those doctors are in virgin territory. ZING!

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Goodbye, Phil Stacey











Don't worry.
Madagascar 2 will be your Dreamgirls.