Wednesday, January 30, 2008

There Will Be...

So my friend Tommy* and I went to see There Will Be Blood, which finally made it here after opening in approximately one additional theatre a week since its premiere in December. Hang tight, will reach you by 2017, right around the time you get microwaves, Furbys, and a new haircut.

Aaaanyway, if you haven't seen this movie, drop whatever you're doing (unless it involves holding an infant, in which case you should place it carefully on the ground) and go see it because it's amazing and riveting and I want to talk about this movie with everyone I've come in contact with.** The flick stars Daniel Day-Lewis*** as ambitious miner turned oil prospector Daniel (Day)Plainview who, before findin' black gold, could be seen on the West Virginia flag.

The theatre was packed, despite their grande-douche decision to start the flick at 6:10 so they could charge full-price for a ticket**** so we ended up in the very front row, guaranteeing I would be rocking a Thermacare wrap before the credits rolled. The couple beside us must have heard about the 2 1/2 hour run time, because they brought provisions. Every Plainview speech was punctuated with the crinkling of cellophane as they audibly chomped on something the size of a toddler.

At about the 90 minute mark, the girl part of the couple wrapped up her unfinished meal bits and whispered to her boyfriend/husband/kidnapper, "I had no idea this was gonna be so...dark." Ignoring the flick's themes of avarice, ambition to the point of self-destruction*****, and religious hypocrisy, the title of the damn thing has the word BLOOD in it.

I, of course, spent several minutes during the more tedious rig building scenes thinking of alternative movies that she would have enjoyed more. Things like...

There Will Be Parakeets.
There Will Be Scrapbooking.
There Will Be An Elizabeth Taylor White Diamonds Perfume Gift Set.
There Will Be Tempurpedic Mattresses.
There Will Be Dancing.******
There Will Be Continental Breakfast.
There Will Be Scrabble.
There Will Be More Scenes Where The Characters Join Hands and Sing Sheena Easton Songs Like "Morning Train".
There Will Be Oprah.

So seriously, stop reading and go see this movie so we can have in-depth discussions in the comments about the themes, characters, and Plainview's mustache (which was Selleck-tacular in its fullness). We'll wait for you, Alabama.

*Yes, he is my only friend. Thank you for asking.
**Much to the confusion of Shanna at KFC when I asked for a 3 piece meal, a diet Mountain Dew, and her thoughts about how unchallenged ambition like Plainview's balances between advancing American civilization while simultaneously threatening to destroy it. With gravy. Surprisingly, I didn't feel like having these discussions after watching The Game Plan.
***I never know where to put his hyphen. Daniel-Day? Day-Lewis? Dan-iel?
****After seeing TWBB though, I think $8 was a bargain. I would pay double that to see it again and would harvest my own eggs for an advance DVD screener
*****That same phrase is in the profile section of my resume, right after "attention to detail".
******This may have been an actual movie starring Jennifer Lopez.


Kayleigh said...

I want to see TWBB so bad....none of my friends have "time" to see movies though. Or at least that's what they say. So unless I buck up and decide to brave the theater alone, I'm destined for DVD. Great story, but the way. I love the "there will be oprah" and other such tales....hahaha

MD said...

The moustache was the key selling point for me. Usually a title like There Will be Blood will get me in the mood... but DDL with a 'stache that rivals the greats (Selleck, Dali, guy from Old West part of the theme park I went to last summer) was too much to pass up. I don't really want to discuss any of the more intellectual points of the movie. I am, however, open to discussing the 'stache.