Saturday, January 12, 2008

This Could Be OurSpace

So a couple of nights ago, my friend Tom* and I went to see Juno, which everyone already knows is rad, quotable, and will inevitably be immortalized with a line of Dancing Elk track jackets sold exclusively at Hot Topic**. Not only was the acting fantastic, it was insanely well-written and--because I'm the type of person who fawns over screenplays like they're Kirk Cameron pinups--I raced home to wikipedia the writer, Diablo Cody.

I didn't know that much about her, except that every written description of her must include the phrase "former stripper"*** but it just took about three paragraphs and hey jealousy! hey jealousyyyyyyyy! She's my age, but with a published memoir, an award-winning screenplay, and a Showtime pilot. By contrast, I recently purchased a Wendy's meal with a credit card.

After rereading several accounts of her success and coveting everything from her Kerplunk! t-shirt to her two distinct eyebrows****, I resigned myself to doing what any overmatched twentysomething does: I sent her a MySpace friend request.

And despite checking my "sent requests" folder with an enthusiasm previously reserved for things like birthdays or brushing against the UPS man in the elevator, it's still a bit depressing. You know, sort of like having to pay off the Baconator in several monthly installments.

UPDATE: The new phone books are here! The new phone books are here! We are now cyberfriends (a word straight out of the Chris Hansen magnetic poetry kit). She can see my profile and learn about my affinity for embedded videos and backgrounds that won't scroll! And I can leave "Thanks for the Add! LOL LOL" comments sealed with a sparkle graphic, like maybe one with a glitter kitten with wings, maybe! Hooray!

God, I'm so alone.

*Sometimes my stuffed dinosaur and I need to see other people.
**Yes, I would purchase one of these. You're talking to someone who owns a variety of novelty air fresheners.
***But so were several one i'ed girls in my high school, including Candi whose Ugly Kid Joe-enhanced talent show routine ensured that her name would appear above the phrase "Truckers Welcome" long before it would be on a diploma.
****Note to self: Make appointment for grooming. You're starting to look like a Muppet.


Anonymous said...

OOOOOOOOOOOh you killed me this a.m.

Plus, I was starting to feel a kinship. I, too, tried getting someone of note to be my MYSPACE friend...Stephen Colbert.

He left me hanging. I checked every day (yes, everyday for a month) before I realized I was just another fat girl on the side of the dance floor hoping that the cute boy would pay attention.

Yes. I have serious issues over this oversight on the part of Mr. Colbert.

(I still watch him...hoping that my telekinetic messages are getting to him...Be MY friend STephen. Be MY friend...)


Scooter said...

I believe Diablo Cody used to drop by MNSpeak every once in a while, before her big break out. You can't miss the publicity about her here in Minnesota. We had a debate in my house about whether one of the strippers she referred to in her memoir on her time in stripping was someone my wife and I knew.

Reluctant Runner said...

Gawd, you make me laugh! Diablo Cody would be crazy not to be your MySpace friend.

Blogger said...

I've just downloaded iStripper, and now I can watch the best virtual strippers on my desktop.