Friday, February 22, 2008

Accumulation

We're under a warning for one of those freakish southern snow storms, one sure to leave my neighborhood littered with Miatas who have crosschecked each other into the mailboxes or the sugar maples.

The problem? I needed to go to the grocery store and my list included milk, bread, and eggs* so today's routine run was gonna make me look like the wild-eyed housewives who, upon the first dispatches from Super Doppler 12, scream into the parking lot hellbent on Bunny bread and 2%, like they'll be spending the weekend trapped inside, consuming nothing but French toast and milk sandwiches.
______
I unloaded my cart and considered making a winking aside to the cashier, some "isn't this weather cuh-raaazy?” talk. But the cashier is fifty and tired. She’s wearing an apron and a button promoting a roasting pan giveaway. Her face is lined and worn, like a road map that’s been folded too many times in the wrong directions. She’s obviously too busy revisiting every bad decision she ever made to give a shit about my motivation for buying eggs.

There's no conclusion. I just overthink everything. But four more weeks of forty dollar receipts and I'll snag a roasting pan of my own.

*aka the Holy Shit! Trinity because any time the local radar wears the pink and grey ice-n-snow camouflage, everyone's all "Holy Shit! We need more milk! And bread! And eggs!"

15 comments:

Chuckles said...

That's some expensive bread, eggs, and milk! You Southerners really do freak out about a little snow if that cost you $40.

J-Money said...

Well, those weren't the only things I had to buy. I also needed my other staples, including EZ Mac, Cocoa Pebbles (2 for $4!) and booze.

Hot Librarian said...

Ah yes, I remember the first time I visited a North Carolina grocery store before a "storm", baffled that they had no bread , only to realize it was because an INCH!!! of snow was projected.

the frog princess said...

Don't forget toilet paper!

My small town in PA behaved in *exactly* the same manner if the weatherman so much as suggested the possibility of a flurry. People are, it must be said, ridiculous.

J-Money said...

Hot & Frog: You'll be less-than-surprised to hear that it was a madhouse this morning, even though it's currently 34 and we haven't gotten the first sniff of winter weather.

Don't worry though...the schools are all closed.

survivingmyself said...

please sign me up for the roasting pan giveaway.

PLEASE!

Birdwatching From Mars said...

everytime i see the hens flocking to the supermarket before one of these storms (not by ANY MEANS putting you in that category, btw) I always hope something like that movie "The Mist" happens where all those people get trapped in the grocery store. and there are monsters outside. just a little dream i have...

J-Money said...

Surviving: Because I like you so much, I will send you my roasting pan.

Birdwatching: That comment just put you on the "made me laugh until I spewed soda" list. And not just because I'm wearing a 'Stephen King Rules' t-shirt. Yes, like the one from Monster Squad. Yes, I live alone.

Hollywood Sucker said...

You make me wonder where, exactly, Slappytown USA is located.

Birdwatching From Mars said...

Fuckin awesome. I love you. MONSTER SQUAD is the shit.

Wolfman's got nards!
Scary old German guy
Give me the amulet, you BITCH.
(and other references)

hairyweisenheimmer said...

How funny! I happen to have a Miata and just moved From Texas to Iowa, which is seeing more snow this year than it has in the last 20. Haven't had any close encounters with mailboxes yet, but damn its a fun little car to drive on the snow. Kinda like being on a frozen pond in roller skates :-)

BB said...

I'm from South Wales and it NEVER snows here - well okay it does, but it's rare, and when it DOES snow, it only lasts a few hours to a day. Whenevr there's a snow warning the supermarkets get sold out of every single piece of bread and every pint of milk. People panic so much they practically raid the place.

It was like that last year when it snowed (quite heavily) and I trekked up to get Cosmopolitan, and it was packed out with people panicking. The snow lasted one day. ONE DAY.

Jeez.

J-Money said...

Hollywood: Slappytown is very close to Narnia. No, not Narnia. I meant 'an Exxon station'.

Birdwatching: Creature stole my twinkie! I just Netflixxed it.

Hairy: Please do not careen into one of Madison County's many Bridges.

bb: I cannot tell you how much I love the fact that a snow storm couldn't keep you from Cosmo. That. Is. Awesome.

survivingmyself said...

damn! I forgot all about Monster Squad!!!

putting it on my netflix now...

Felicia said...

New reader here, shit you're funny! Love the post about the AI texts.