Monday, February 25, 2008

Dr. Phil Haiku 23-25

After yesterday's run, I caught up on my three unhaiku-ed eps of Mr. Doctor Phil, a period of 180 minutes that was infinitely more painful than the 20 miles that preceded it. I urge you not to try this at home, lest you find yourself doing Web M.D. searches for "weeping brain".

On Wednesday's episode:
He calls his wife fat??
He's bigger than Michael Moore
Riding Oprah's back.

Won't have sex with her.
"Thank you", says his wife's ribcage.
"For not crushing me."

On Thursday's episode:
Mother and daughter
Suing each other. Mom wins.
We lose for watching.

The daughter's lip gloss
Looks like she has been drinking
Blood. Or wood varnish.

I'm delirious.
Phil's eyes too small for his face.
Sprinkles on cupcake.

On Friday's episode:
He did tequila
Shots right before his wedding.
Drink till she's cute, dude!

"Bridezilla!" Phil says.
'Cause she's a bitch or 'cause she
Destroyed Tokyo?

Cannot wait for the
Sequel when she gets divorced,
Then battles Mothra

Author's Note: I'm never consuming that much Phil in one sitting ever again...butI am considering holding all of the haiku until each Friday, to create a five day 85-syllable MegaMcGraw retrospectacular. What do you guys think? Or do you dig 'em daily?

7 comments:

Birdwatching From Mars said...

Against your sugegstion, i DID indeed try this. and now i am on web m.d. searching for "bleeding eyes" and "leaking anus".

I love these haikus, by the way. Keep them coming!

Nate said...

The daily haikus are a highlight for me. Also, it keeps you from having to relive that much Mr. Doctor at one time.

Jamie Lovely said...

I might die from reading a huge Phil Haiku. It may just be more than my brain could handle.

Moxie said...

oooh girl. I was just thinking about haikus today. Nice nice nice! Congrats on the indiebloggers too! I got a post accepted, hope it gets in soon. Your poo story was classic. Damn WSPers.

J-Money said...

Birdwatching: I hope you have plenty of absorbent towels/cats to help with both problems. Also, the haikus will continue until my cable is disconnected.

Nate & Jamie: These seem like votes for Daily Phil.

Moxie: Keep me posted (um...no pun...)Can't wait to read your IB stuff!

JB said...

Daily haikus is where my vote goes. Like it has been said, too much Dr. P in one sitting, haiku or otherwise, is too much for the brain to handle. It must be taken little by little instead of as one weekly shot.

MizFit said...

oh
my
gosh.

WHERE HAVE I BEEN.
just found your blog.
hilarious.

informative AND dr. p?

what's not to love.

MizFit