Saturday, March 01, 2008

Dr. Phil Haiku #26-30

On Monday's episode...
She's anorexic
But still less creepy-looking
Than Posh Spice Beckham

If she gets better
She could date Harrison Ford.
He likes hollow eyes.

On Tuesday's episode...
Scammed by her online
Boyfriend. And by whoever
Did her dental work.

He wasn't really
A fighter pilot. Or a
Nigerian prince.

She broke up with him.
He was sad, but hopes they'll
Always be PayPals.*

On Wednesday's episode...
He's cheating with girls
He meets on MySpace. Thanks for
The add! And the sex.

They sent him lots of
Suggestive emails. So he
Filled their inboxes.

Camera only
Shows black audience members
When there are black guests

On Thursday's episode...
I forgot to set
My DVR. But somehow
I'm OK with that.

On Friday's episode...
Bad news: Kidnapped by
Mennonites; Good news: She learned
How to churn butter.

No TV, no booze,
No sex. Mennonites live like
They've all been grounded.

This episode will
Probably become a FOX
Reality show

Author's note: Next week, we'll go back to the daily-ish Phil. This week was just chock full, what with my thriving social life and demanding job frequent napping and afternoon crying jags. I commend anyone who actually relived all five of these episodes without having an aneurysm.

*Yes this is the worst joke I've ever written.


Felicia said...

Oooh yeah, loved the Mennonite episode last week.

Carrie said...

Oh Dr. Phil. When I watch it I often wonder if I should just skip it and watch Maury.

John Hendel said...

This is absolutely hilarious...I love these haikus. Only appropriate homage to the god that is Dr. Phil, really.

Alya said...

I stopped watching Dr. Phil after I realized the show has no point in the end! They don't give a solution to those poor souls!

It also annoys me when he takes Robin's hand and they walk off the set together. Grrr.. Such a publicity stunt.

Oh and does anybody notice the amount of bling Robin wears? Crazy!

Maxie said...

the paypal joke made me laugh out loud

J-Money said...

Felicia: I liked how they talked about the girl's "anger issues". Um, I'd be angry too if I was whisked away to a place that made me wear a bonnet.

Carrie: Here's every Maury show ever: "You are NOT the father!"

John Hendel: It was either haiku or learn how to make stained glass representations of each show.

Alya: Yes, the show should end with "Dr. Phil's advice is for entertainment purposes only". Also, I never noticed Robin's bling because I was blinded by her dazzling white teeth.

Maxie: Then my work here is done.

Mickey said...

This is perfect for me: I can't stand watching Dr. Phil myself and I love haiku!

Actually, if you could condense all the TV I watch into haiku, it would save me a ton of time. It's like watching on DVR but even faster! And that's my quota for exclamation points!

Hollywood Sucker said...

oh, come now. pay pals was funny.

brilliant series of haikus! i think you should always do them in weekly format.

MizFit said...




Colette said...

Hahaha. I always detested Dr. Phil, but lately I've developed this bizarre appreciation for it.

the frog princess said...

It already *was* a reality show... how could you have missed "Amish in the City"???

(Also, I loathe Dr. Phil with a firey passion... yet I love these haikus!)

The Clandestine Samurai said...

I concur with Maxie.