Thursday, March 06, 2008

The Final 12

Tonight's Idol made me a sad panda. Actually, I'm an entire sad zoological park, due to the premature departure of my personal fave, Danny Noriega. He looked like what would happen if Hot Topic was ever allowed to have sex with Wet Seal.

The one highlight of the show was when the camera cut to David Archuleta's father, Larry the Cable Guy.

I'll vote for your son if you pinky swear that to spare us the indignity of Delta Farce 2: The Legend of Curly's Gold.

Finally, after watching her alternately sob and shimmy through the program, I'm convinced that Paula is just a shopping cart full of soda cans away from being the crazy lady who hangs out between the pumps at the Gashopper, eating things out of the dumpster and throwing pennies at passing cars.

J-Moneycrest, out.


dmbmeg said...



I was sad to see Danny go. His razor cut and size 26 jeans were glorious.

This just proves once again the majority of Americans have no taste.

Kirsty said...

Idol isn't on in the UK til' tonight, but I have to agree with you about Paula, she's a complete nutball!

JHC said...

Farewell, sweet boy. I really liked Danny. I wish he would have picked songs that required him to, you know, sing? With Jessica Alba's face and Florence Henderson's hair I thought America would warm up to him?

RazZDoodle said...

I was diggin on her hat. Very brave, Paula. Has anyone ACTUALLY seen her perform live? Does anyone find that curious at all?

Kirsty said...

Never actually seen her perform live. That, I fear, might be because she is a bit shit.
Or perhaps, she's just a computer generated hologram (like on that film 'Simone')put there only to simper at all the mildy good-looking men, make useless comments, and clap, with only the heels of her hands.
Who the hell knows.

Birdwatching From Mars said...

I'll admit...I hate this show. Like, passionately hate it. I think they need to get rid of Randy and bring in someone like Henry Rollins think Simon can make people cry, wait til Henry tears into them.

Also, retail stores having sex is hilarious (Hot Topic and Wet Seal). If I were the offspring of two stores, I think it would probably be Spencer Gifts and The Dollar Tree.

survivingmyself said...

Poor, poor paula.

Mickey said...

I hate myself for knowing exactly what you're talking about. I'm one of those people. But then again I hate myself anyway.

The Martian Birdwatcher makes an interesting suggestion with Henry Rollins, but that would be a very different, and shorter-lived, show.

Danny Noriega was a cartoon, but he was very entertaining.

J-Money said...

dmbmeg: I saved all of my swooning for the giant arms of Luke Menard.

kirsty: Idol comes on in the UK? I had no idea, but I assume it's because Simon Cowell has to be on British television at all times?

jhc: Don't forget his Hypercolor hair. It turns purple when he's sassy.

razzdoodle: Only MC Skat Kat.

birdwatching: I hate it too, yet I cannot tear myself away. Also, I'm preparing something called The Dollar Tree Challenge for next week...

surviving: We should probably pour out a Diet Coke in her honor.

mickey: If Danny was a cartoon, he was definitely one of Jem's Holograms. And I hate myself for knowing that.

Rebecca said...

I was crying with Danny as he picked his nails and tried to look tough. I fucking love that kid. I want to adopt him.

dmbmeg said...

Luke Menard? Really?

I mean, he's purdy and all, but by god he made George Michael seem straight after his version of WMUBYG-G.

Also, was Paula drunk this whole week or was it just me? I mean, more drunk than she normally is.

chia said...

Simon Cowell is hotter on British television. FYI.

Felicia said...

I blogged about last night's show too! I couldn't resist. I feel sadness for my main homegirl, Danny.

Anonymous said...

Regarding Paula's outfit last night: She looked like a dull little gray crayon.

J-Money said...

rebecca: I would adopt him, but I'm too big to borrow any of his clothes.

dmbmeg: His singing, yeah, totally suspect. But his big ol' biceps and his sort of glazed expression? Just how I likes 'em.

chia: You shut your mouth. He can't possibly be hotter, unless he was swaddled in my duvet cover.

felicia: [fist bump]

anon: A dull grey crayon WITH A HAT.

MizFit said...

you totally NAILED paula.

too funny.


I'm Frank said...

I thought I was the only one left who described myself as a "sad panda". That South Park episode is pretty old, and most people don't get the reference when I say it. I get a lot of weird looks.

Rachelskirts said...

Yeah, lamesauce, ahoy. Chikezie totally needed to go instead. I miss Danny already. :(

P.S. Loved the sad panda reference.