Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Foot Fetish

So here's some news...tomorrow is my first day of part-time unemployment. Starting at nine in the a.m., I'll be spending twenty hours a week working as an associate* at Slappytown's finest running store. I'll finally be getting paid (by the hour!) to talk incessantly about marathons, dress like Paulie Bleeker, and handle people's feet--things that I've foolishly spent the past year doing for free.

Also, by writing "shoe sales" on my resume, I finally have something in common with both Al Bundy and John Wayne Gacy, other than irrational nostalgia for high school and a love of greasepaint.

Hopefully this will work out (HA! I kill me!) so I can finally share some stories that don't involve daytime TV and/or sobbing, and/or how many gas station hot dogs I've eaten this week.**

* There's no 'i' in 'team' but there's an 'i' in 'associate'. Also, an 'ass'. I noted this on my application.
** Three. All from Exxon, where the extra x stands for extra time praying for death.

27 comments:

arbyn said...

Gas station hot dogs, huh? I like the sound of that. I'm pretty sure the last time I tried to buy one of those things it was 3 a.m. and 7-11 was the only place for miles "serving" food.

And if my memory serves... the hot dog was physically stuck to the magical rolly-spinny-thing so it was a futile attempt.

christina said...

gas station hot dogs: mustard and a package of liquidized relish. the only thing better is a gas station burrito.

as a now professional, can you tell me how to make my achilles stop hurting? i walk like a zombie.

jiminycricket said...

Do you get to wear a sweatband to work? You should. That would show dedication. It would also demonstrate that the 'i' in associate stands for ingenious.

Congrats, by the way! TELL US ALL THE STORIES!

A Lover and a Fighter said...

good job! i hate hot dogs but i really like running shoes, and I'd definitely buy several pairs from you. you should be one of those obnoxious marathoners who never shuts up about her times and things- you can even wear all of your race numbers pinned to you at the same time, always.

that would make you look super, super authentic and full of knowledge.

Jack said...

Good luck with this part time thing. Hopefully you do find the "ass" in "associate" and come back with some great stories for the blog.

Alya said...

GOOD LUCK J! Really happy for u!!

give my regards to Al Bundy!

J-Money said...

arbyn: Oh yes, all three were lovingly plucked from their little Ferris Wheel...

christina: I assume by "walk like a zombie", you mean with arms extended while feasting on the brains of the innocent.

jiminycricket: I like you so much.

a lover... Actually my pants are made of race numbers I've pinned to my skin.

jack: I like the way you think...

alya: Hopefully I'll see Al when I start hiding in the breakroom.

TNT Jimmy said...

Wear your medals! That should endear you to your co-workers and customers. I'd definitely buy my lightweight stability shoes from someone wearing medals. You'll be great!

J-Money said...

tntjimmy: Or or OR I could tape trophies to both arms. Or maybe just hold them. That would probably go over well. "Sure I'll get those for you in a size 10. Let me put my trophies down first".

Are You Willing to Change? said...

Good luck on your first day! What do you get to wear? Can you tell me how to make my groin muscle stop hurting. It's been hurting for about a week now. The only thing I've done is run, so I don't know why it's bothering me. Oh well! Have fun!

Perfectly Shelly said...

I don't run--but my kids are middle school and high school track team members. I wish you were working at your store last week when I was trying to find the sprinting shoes for my eldest son who wanted 'elite' performance shoes that they don't SELL in my town......I hate to pay shipping so I fought with Foot Locker and WON---no free shipping, but they took CASH off the price of the shoe (stupid marketing tactics if you ask me)--I'd have bought them from YOU and given you the commission!

JB said...

I hope this part-time gig gives you oodles of money and blog fodder. Enjoy the divertissement away from Dr. Phil (or will you be home in time to catch his witty banter? I sure love hearing such gems as "You don't need a big hug to put salt on your Froot Loops.")

Laura said...

Congratulations! That sounds like a really fun job, and I'm sure it will provide plenty of fodder for runner jokes. Looking forward to it!

Kaeti said...

So, uh, do get a discount? Cuz I've been meaning to pick up a few things...

Mickey said...

Employee discount, right? Score.

Pilot has excellent hot dogs, at least at midnight and free with a coupon. And that's why you carry around hot dog coupons in your wallet for a year: they will come in handy when you least expect it.

ashley said...

Well darlin'..I worked with shoes as well. It really is a 'special' profession. Ha. Good Luck.

Topher said...

1. I second JiminyCricket's headband emotion
2. You will still be giving us free Haikus, right? If not, we're so over.
3. Do you get to take Pigpen to work? There was a lady at church (who was certifiably nuts) who bought a red hooded sweatshirt, sewed a "Service Dog" patch on it, and put it on her pitbull. Yes, she brought the pitbull to church every week. Then she proceeded to tell all the adults who were standing between Maddie the Service Pitbull and their children that Maddie has fleas "real bad". Maybe you could put a seeing run dog hoodie on him so he doesn't have to stay home.

CLARE. said...

Hooray for being employed! Welcome back to the hamster wheel.

I love gas station hot dogs, but I hate physical activity of any sort that is not a) walking from Nordstrom to Neiman Marcus or b) done while naked. Can we still be friends, J-Mo?

Allie said...

Ok, This is my new FAV blog! You are a hoot girl!! Love the dating website post!!!! <--totally true!

Congrats on the Job! And Yes I hope to hear more entertaining stories about it!

Ashley said...

i bet you will have some awesome stories to tell us about your wonderful experience being an ass-ociate. i look forward to them

surviving myself said...

"HA! I kill me!"

please tell me that was an ALF reference.

Hollywood Sucker said...

well...good luck! I'm sure it'll be better than your last job.

jen said...

Congrats on the job! Sounds fun. I would worry that I'd put people in the wrong shoe and ruin their knees and their chances of leading a long, healthy life. Good luck!

Katelin said...

good luck at the new job!

Chimmy's Ghost said...

I love how you can work a serial killer reference into your post, and it actually makes it funnier. [golf clap] Well, done.

I'm sure you'll have no problem winning the golden shoe horn award. Please tell me they have a golden shoe horn award. Because they should.

Kayleigh said...

How was your first day??? And very important: do you get an employee discount?

...hmmm...gas station food? Please discuss.

MizFit said...

is that your nametag?

Im BEGGING you to make it say AL BUNDY and see if anyone even notices.

M.