Saturday, March 22, 2008


Yesterday I was in the car long enough to drive to Mercury, swinging through my sister Runtie's southern city to pick her up on the way to our parents' place on the coast. I still can't feel my legs and seriously considered ramming a Ford Focus just so I could steal their beaded seat cover.

The Runtie-centric highlights of the drive:

1) I had to stop at Exxon for some food and fuel and, much to my delight, they had a coffee bar featuring tiny, individually wrapped caffeine pods you could drop into your styrofoam cup of Kind of Hazelnut-ish Sludge. I plopped four of them into the keg-sized cup I'd just poured, despite the handwritten warning beside the bin warning you to stop at two. When I happily told Runtie that I'd be both awake and unable to blink for the remaining four hours of the trip, she responded with "OK, the good news? You won't fall asleep until next Easter. The bad news? Your babies will be born with antlers".

2) Backstory: My love of the Grateful Dead is no big secret, so yesterday I kept the Sirius locked on Channel 32, the official Dead station. At one point, I couldn't read the track information on the radio since the caffeine had dilated my pupils to the size of the Cadbury creme eggs we'd also purchased at the Exxon*.

Me: I think this is from Jerry's diabetic coma period. Can you read the display?
Runtie: Sure. It says "This fucking sucks".

The entire Money family rolled in safely, some of us more jittery than others. I'll try to post again this weekend, including a Lent recap noting my lingering bitterness that the meatless Friday mandate prevented me from enjoying a Taquito-wrapped hotdog from the gas station. I hope Jesus took note.

* The refreshments purchased on the drive included Oreo Cakesters (now available in a travel pack!), Nerds ropes, gummy worms, gummy burgers, generic Twizzlers, caramel cremes, and enough Mountain Dew Code Red to make it burn when I pee.


tmamone said...

I like the Dead, too. Widespread Panic still sucks. but the Dead's cool.

Hot Librarian said...

Your love of the grateful dead. HAHAHAHAHAHA. That was the funniest part of this post.

Give runtie and the folks big ole Easter smoochies from me.

amymalia said...

One day, when we're the best of friends, sitting amid seventeen pounds of Australian red licorice and chocolate covered Peeps, I'll tell you about how my dad is married to Jerry's Garcia's former (because, you know, he died. In case you missed that) stage lighting manager.

But first I'll wait for our CLEARLY DESTINED BY THE GODS swift friendship to blossom into fruition. Which usually happens sometime after the Restraining Order Stage.

Dexter Colt said...

It is rumored that Captain Hazelwood consumed those very same caffeine pods before his infamous oil spill incident.

Between the hotdogs and these caffeine pods, Exxon is going to be the death of you.

GCH said...

You must listen to Derek and Romaine on OutQ. The best on Sirius. Period.

Mickey said...

Dexter Colt found the Exxon Valdez/caffeine joke hidden in there. If only I was as sharp. Good work, dude.

I still don't stop at Exxon. Bastards. But they may be on to something with the caffiene pods, though. Danger.

poodlegoose said...

Awesome road trip candies! I absolutely love gummy bears and Nerds ropes... mostly anything fruity or gummy. But this could be stemming from the insane amount of chocolate in my stomach right now. Glad you made it safely ;)

Reluctant Runner said...

Caffeine pods. Nerd ropes. You Americans have the craziest snacks. Next time I get mad at someone, I'm going to call them a "cakester".

J-Money said...

tmamone: You're welcome to come on my next road trip.

hot librarian: They said to smooch you back.

amymalia: Holy. Crap. I'm sending you the "BE FRI" half of a Best Friend necklace.

dexter: I also commend you on the Valdez reference. You get my (oily) seal of approval.

gch: Hmm... Romaine? I automatically respect anyone who shares a name with a type of lettuce.

mickey: You'll be getting some caffeine pods along with the Superfeet

poodlegoose: You and me both. I've given myself diabetes today.

reluctant: Don't knock the Cakesters till you've tried 'em...

Craig said...

I wish I had seen this sooner. If we ever road tripped together, we'd have to split the difference between Sirius 24 and Sirius 32. That would put us on Sirius 28: Faction. I don't think anyone wins then.

Hoping you're having a great Easter with the Money fam.

Are You Willing to Change? said...

Don't you love the long drives to see family on the holidays? I had a nice three hour drive both ways, so a total of six hours in the car yesterday...It was rough! Glad everyone made it safely!

And it sounds like you got lots of nice refreshments for your drive!

Kayleigh said...

I've heard a lot about these so called Oreo Cakesters. I have to get my paws on some soon.

And caffeine pods?! What are these and how come I've never known about them until now? Am I the only one here?? They sound like something I need to live.

the frog princess said...

You know... people used to mock my beaded seatcovers, but those things were a lifesaver (ass-saver?) on long drives.

$7 was never spent at a K-Mart...

Just Jamie said...

Oreo cakesters are Yum O!!!