Wednesday, March 05, 2008

(Im)perfect Timing

[Actual conversation, approximately 6:14 p.m. EST]
Dad: Hello?
Me: Hey Dad, what's up?
Dad: Just got home from work. Speaking of work...
Me: [singing] We're gonna keep on, keep on, keep on moving... Random question. What kind of food do you guys feed your dog?
Dad: Oh, the usual. Truffles. Gnocchi. Coq au Vin.
Me: Only the best for her, the Grand Poobah of Upper Buttsniff.
Dad: Why?
Me: I wondered if you'd ever given her Beneful. I had a coupon for it and Pigpen seems to like it.
Dad: Hang on, let me ask your mother.
Me: Oh shit. Abort! Abort!
Dad: What?
Me: Nevermind. He just threw up.

18 comments:

Birdwatching From Mars said...

The guy on the Beneful commercial creeps me right the fuck out. Dunno why...it must be that creepy pedophiliac grin he gives that poor dog.

Equally disturbing are the Sonic commercials. What's the moderately hot lady doing with that geek?

minijonb said...

Our 3 Pugs (sounds like a TV show, right?) really dig Beneful. I hope it's not made of sawdust.

Alya said...

Conversations with parents are so funny. My mom is not someone u want to ignore when she calls. You actually WANT to talk to her.
Dad on the other hand..

Let's just say whenever I see his name flashing on my phone screen, i just know I need to sit down and take a deeeeep breath.

pinkjellybaby said...

hehe your Dad sounds excellent!

MizFit said...

thanks for the laugh(now I know what NOT to feed my bullmastiff as well :))

M.

poodlegoose said...

My dog has Beneful and loves it. And practically any other food, for that matter, so I guess it really doesn't matter what we feed her. Lemme know if you find out it's made of lead or something.

James said...

Maybe he liked it a little too much. Eating too quickly or too much of.

J-Money said...

birdwatching: You mean there are people in those commercials? I'm always distracted by the Cinnasnacks and the overwhelming urge to GET CINNASNACKS NOW NUMMY NUMMY

minijonb: "Our 3 Pugs" would definitely star Jim Belushi.

alya: Your dad said you need to call him right now. He knows what you've been up to, young lady.

pinkjellybaby: For serious, I have the greatest family in the world.

mizfit: Bullmastiff? Aren't those dogs, like, the size of subway cars?

poodlegoose & james: We may try this Beneful experiment again. Apparently it is good food and yep, James, you could be right. He sort of sucked it up like the little Dirt Devil that he is.

survivingmyself said...

No need for the fancy stuff. Just get whatever's on sale. That's what I do for my puppy, and he only slightly hates me for it.

RazZDoodle said...

wow. that works on so many levels. Canine nutrition, parenting issues.... :)

Mickey said...

Is this really about dog food? I thought you were just trying to keep your dad from getting your mom on the phone. Good job deflecting the job query, by the way.

P.O.M. said...

Your dad sounds adorable.

Mine is like a drill sergeant with a bible. Our convos are "super fun." I'm sure posting them would actually decrease my readership exponentially.

Perfectly Shelly said...

Yeah, my dog pukes up Beneful, too. I went on a bender one day at Wal-mart and bought like 25 sample size bags for next to nothing. One sample size fed my little dog, so I thought I was getting a good deal! Until he barfed. We gave the beneful away to the less fortunate dogs in the world.

J-Money said...

surviving: That's reassuring. My former boyfriend felt the same way about my grocery selections.

razzdoodle: We at the Typing are multidimensional, yo. Purely by accident.

mickey: I've had a year of practice avoiding that question.

p.o.m. Now I'm curious about those conversations. I hope they involve Leviticus.

perfectly shelly: By contrast? He was given a McDonald's burger last night and was totally cool with it. Beneful was made on an indian burial ground or something.

Anonymous said...

Beneful's actually pretty bad for dogs. I know a bunch of dogs that have had to go on allergy medication after Beneful. See http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060718155507AA2ptJr
There are also the deaths to consider:
http://www.snopes.com/critters/crusader/beneful.asp
Since your dog is a pet store purchase from a puppy mill, you want to give him the best chance at health and a long life he's got.

J-Money said...

anonymous: First, thank you for reading and for your concern. I had previously read the snopes article about Beneful but this sample I brought home was not the dry food, nor was it purchased at Wal*Mart. I'm not going to do anything that would intentionally harm my little beast.

Also, yes, he's from a pet store but I'm not sure that you meant to sound as condescending about it as you did. At least I hope not. I'm aware of the stigma that sits on the shelf with these dogs but I also did my homework and investigated his AKC-listed lineage before I brought him home. He's an excellent, healthy pup--chewed up throw pillows notwithstanding.

Reluctant Runner said...

I hear the gnocchi-flavoured beneful is actually kind of tasty. Not from personal experience, of course.

CLARE. said...

My dad always calls at the most inopportune times too. Like, for example, when I'm drinking my dinner on a first date.