Friday, July 18, 2008

We Didn't Start the Fire

To yoink a line from the John Denver back catalog, all my bags are packed and I'm ready to go, heading to Kentucky* to play bridesmaid in a wedding, which means that in approximately 36 hours, I'll be standing outside in a field wearing an ill-fitting pastel dress** that looks like a dead Muppet.

Until I check in from my hotel--which lists 'television' and 'in-room ironing board' among its amenities--here are two reviews of Last Comic Standing I've written for TVGasm. No, not last night's ep, because instead of watching, I was downloading an embarrassing amount of Billy Joel*** songs to keep me company on today's long-ass drive.

You kids have a great weekend. I would appreciate if someone would clean my refrigerator while I'm gone.

* I remain hopeful that I will be greeted at the Kentucky border by a giant sign that says "KY is for Lovers".
** I've been on the roster for enough weddings to understand that the bride is supposed to be the most beautiful woman in the world (or at least in the buffet line) that day, but there's still no excuse for clothing your friends in reams of synthetic fabrics the color of Easter Bunny spunk.
*** Before Eminem even considered spitting rhymes about his current former current estranged quite possibly dead current wife Kim, I think Billy Joel was the original white rapper. "Bardot, Budapest, Alabama, Krushchev, Princess Grace, Peyton Place, trouble in the Suez"? BJ's got mad flow. Right? Right? Anyone? Bueller?

31 comments:

hookerbaby said...

Oh man, the first time I read that you were doing reviews for 'Last Comic Standing', I got it mixed up with "Comics Unleashed", and I was about to get out my judgey face. ("Comics Unleashed" is the dreck they pull out for late-night television on the American Armed Forces Network in Korea). I'm glad I can put that face away, because it hurts my eyebrows.

J-Money said...

hookerbaby: Are you in the military? We may cross paths... Occasionally I visit bases doing standup for Armed Forces Entertainment. Just getting ready to reapply for a spring '09 tour.

Perfectly Shelly said...

I love Billy Joel AND Ferris Bueller.

Who was the girl that played his girlfriend? Hmmmmm..

Anyway, BJ and FB either makes me way cool to be on the same wavelength as you, or way OLD since my formative teen years were the 80's. The OLDIES stations play 80's music. It's just SICK. I may have the age and the body of a 42 yr old matronly woman, but I'm REALLY a 20 yr old hottie inside!! I AM!!

Lora said...

If it makes you feel better, I was in a hotel two weeks ago that listed "peep hole in door" as an amenity.

MizFit said...

man youre SO RIGHT.
HEART the Joel.
HEART the whackedoutnessment which is Eminem.
HEART old school Snoop.

HEARTHEARTHEART.

happy 27 dresses'ing.

RazZDoodle said...

I'm eagerly anticipating the ensuing wedding post.

lacochran's evil twin said...

I stayed in a hotel that proudly highlighted the fact that the room had a clock radio.

Happy trails!

Studley said...

"William Joel" and his rap is what motivated Christie Brinkley to make him Husband #1.

Gotta love his songs, though. Perfect for highway motoring.

Have a safe drive, J-Money.

Anonymous said...

Billy Joel is certainly a white rapper, but if you want the original white rapper, it's gotta be Bob Dylan on Subterranean Homesick Blues.

Downbeat said...

Not that I've ever been to Kentucky, but I'm not sure what sounds worse to me: Kentucky or ill-fitting pastel monstrosity. Either way, I hope it's a fun weekend.

fort knocks said...

Fryyyyyyy?




Fryyyyyyyyy?















Fryyyyyy?

I'm sorry [comma?] I find that kind of thing funny.

Jenn N Butter said...

J-money
you so funny
have fun in 'tucky.

Ok so it didn't rhyme proving once again that I will never be as cool as eminem. Oh well! I loved Billy Joel back in the day. I also still watch Ferris Bueller. Yes I am a child of the 80's not to mention a total dork. Live with it.

Jenn

STP said...

The Essential Bill Joel...a 2 CD set of awesomeness!

Rachel said...

Have fun this weekend! I'm hoping my girls don't feel that their dress is too bad. Definitely not pastel...I didn't want to do that to them. :)

Sarah Elizabeth said...

"KY is for Lovers" - HA! I've never heard that one before! Love it! Your posts never disappoint!

rs27 said...

Lawrence of Arabia, British Beatle Mania?

Yes and Yes.

Captain Steve said...

I want a shirt that says Nebraska is for lovers. I almost bought one that proclaims "I (heart) Intercourse, PA."

Victoria said...

The one thing about weddings in general, and the whole bridesmaid experience more specifically is that they are filled with comedic material. Although I have been to weddings that could have been a horror movie. Or a tragedy. Unfortunately, I have not yet been to one that resembled an action flick.

I eagerly await the bridesmaid experience posting.

The Clandestine Samurai said...

Alright, alright, I'll clean your refrig while you're away this time.

Felicia said...

Esther Ku needs to go back to concubining. I was disgraced when only two women made the finals and she was one of them. A tragedy I tell ya!

moxie said...

have fun. the last two weddings I was at: 1 was in Iowa, and they played Cotton Eye Joe at the reception. that was the most fun part. the other was here in Austin and I was a flowergirl. a 28 year old "floral maiden," with my best friend, who was so silly and affectionate the whole time (possibly because of all the drinking and just having gotten in from Japan) that our good friend the bride's whole family, staunchy and conservatively Catholic, thought we were lesbians. I thought that was funny, and have done nothing to dispel the rumors.

Shelly--that'd be Mia Sara.

Muse said...

I'm willing to put money down that I've been in more weddings than you.. then we could have a bridesmaid-off where we compete to see who has worn the ugliest dress.

Hope the wedding was .. fun?

Phil said...

I'll send you my ex-roommate to clean the fridge. She may be kinda pricey, though. She charged me $150 to vacuum a clean carpet, paint a few spots on the wall, and "deep clean" an already spotless bathroom. Oh wait, strike that, a messy refrigerator is way, way better than having to deal with that lunatic.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I'm a skimmer. I even drink skim milk. I skimmed your blog.

I laughed at the David Duchovny picture and then I screamed in excitement that you listen to The Black Kids. That's our soundtrack of the moment. Especially, "I'm Not Going To Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You."

We saw ants in our kitchen yesterday. All my kids starting singing the chorus of that song at the same time only they changed it to "ANTS! ANTS! ANTS! ANTS!"
Now I feel a doo-doo doo-doo coming on.

Alexandreena said...

"in-room ironing board"?
That's why I live in a hotel now you see! This sort of luxury!

Oh, fuck that! My hotel has a minibar that fits 1 gallon of gin and another gallon of vodka. And that's in addition to my crack-whore diet of chocolate, those little cold cans of Starbucks espresso and cheese strings. Now, that's an amenity I can go for.

Matt the Great said...

Re: ***

Wrong. Debbie Harry. See: http://youtube.com/watch?v=xHPikUPlRD8 (at 1:59)

bozoette said...

Also re ***
I kinda think Bob Dylan did it in Subterranean Homesick Blues.

Adriane said...

As a resident of Kentucky, and more specifically Louisville, I concur that yes, parts of it do suck.

1. Stay in the cities. Louisville is good. Lexington=whiny babies. Frankfurt is officially po-dunk! Otherwise, it's just horse farms and tobacco.

2. Don't fall for the old "the fried chicken is better in Kentucky" BS. It is just like the chicken in Jersey, Hong Kong or Lima. (If you come into Louisville- you should go to Lynn's Paradise Cafe. Much better food.)

3. I apologize in advance on behalf of Kentucky for the horrible, horrible radio stations. Bring lots of CDs for the car.

If you are in Louisville and bored- email and I'll entertain!

April said...

From Kentucky, sorry to break the news but there will be no Kentucky is for Lovers sign, just the requisite "Gettin' Lucky in Kentucky" sign instead. Hope you aren't too disappointed. ;)

UrbanVox said...

hey babes!
I'm back!!!
lol

and see... that's what you get for spending so long on the internet! hehehehe...
:)

BTW... FB RULES! :)

xxx

hookerbaby said...

this is late - but I'm not in the military. I teach in Korea, and AFN is the only English channel I get on my television.