Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Is That His Secret?

Periodically I'll look in on my sitemeter to see who's dropping by the site and how they found me, an exercise that always ends in tears when I realize that none of my recent guests have googled things like "men who think failure is sexy" or "monkeys with human hands" or "how would I, Hugh Laurie, get in touch with my favorite under-employed blogger so I could make out with her and possibly take her to a nice dinner after?"

This morning, I uncovered this lurking on the last page:

Congratulations, unknown AOL user from Clinton Township, Michigan. You win the "Most Unsettling Search Terms" award this month, narrowly edging out the person who was trying to find a naked picture of Steve Guttenberg, something that--along with Chupacabras and my ever-eroding credit score--I sincerely hope does not exist.

40 comments:

Airam said...

Wait ... did Micheal Phelps get an enema? Or is he endorsing one?

SO confused ...

Yo said...

someone searched for "dry hump stepmom" and got my blog.

bex said...

maybe 'michael phelps gold medal' didn't turn up search results for our creeper?

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Oh lord. I just googled 'enema'

Yuck.

Anything with 'rectal' in the explanation just shouldn't be put in a search box.

Gilahi said...

It appears to me that you should feel relieved that he stayed on your site for 0 seconds.

The Clandestine Samurai said...

I mean, I don't know, the Google search engine is not always as rational as it should be. That's still pretty funny though.

Jess said...

haha well that's just kind of disturbing

Miss Burb said...

I like Michael Phelps and all, but I really don't want to know that much about him.

PinkPiddyPaws said...

Wait.. the REAL question is *why exactly* did that search term link to YOUR blog? hmmmmm??? inquiring kittehs want to know! (okay..okay.. actually I really don't want to know. . really.. I don't.. I promise.. I mean.. ewwwww..)

Lora said...

my job recently blocked us from accessing site meter, which is sad because it was the highlight of my day. there are some pretty effing sick people stopping by my blog, which is all about my life and my kid which are sometimes (as) mutually exclusive (as a mom can be) but both mentioned in the same post.

'whiskey sex with my baby' might be the least disturbing of the disturbing google search I've run across thus far.

Ben said...

You know what? I'd watch Michael Phelps do a lot of things...but yet, I'm not sure if an enema is one of them.

...

...

...

Okay, it totally is.

Ben said...

Whoa, that was a filthy comment before noon. Sorry.

Perfectly Shelly said...

I am obsessed with my sitemeter. That's why half of my visits logged are from MYSELF.......You know, I love the comments....so I OBSESSIVLY visit to see who's reading me.

I once saw someone using the search words 'shellies vagina'.

Yeah. Thanks for that, internet person......gross.

. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
. said...

This may sound silly, but how do you check your sitemeter?

I've always wanted to know how to do that and don't know who to ask?

Thanks!

ÄsK AliCë said...

I'm with . I have no idea how to check my site meter, but I would be interested to know how exactly people find me...

Kaeti said...

My favorite search term that led someone to my blog is still "swedish mothers masturbation." WTF.

punchlinewalking said...

I had someone get to my blog by googling "kid hangs 20 lbs off dick." Which, if you're interested, I found out there is a youtube video chronicling this feat of genital strength.

Falwless said...

Sorry about that. I was only curious.

JustinS said...

I bet he'd win the God damn gold in that event, too.

I don't get any nasty/odd hits, but I get the occasional fun ones. Like someone got to my blog once searching for "kickin wicked rhymes." Clearly, I'm all down with PE, as the name of my blog would imply.

Phil said...

Seeing him half-naked is enough for most of us. Lordy.

theloosemoose said...

More information, please. Are frequent enemas the reason for Phelps' amazing speed and prowess? And will enemas affect runners as positively as they do swimmers? If so, sign me up, Fleet. Seriously.

WendyB said...

I keep getting "tit jewelry."

lacochran's evil twin said...

Would he be wearing the medals during?

No reason.

Vanilla said...

I'm so going to type that in to Google next time I want to visit your blog, instead of following the link from my reader.

Shieldmaiden96 said...

I don't even want to know what brings people to my blog. I just want them to go there and love me.
Which, I suppose, is just as disturbing as some of the searches.
To the person who asked about checking Sitemeter; you should get reports in your email regularly, or you can click on the 'Sitemeter' tag you put on your blog and it'll take you to your stats page.

The Alleged Ringleader said...

I love sitemeter! Our blog regularly finds people googling things about boys with small penises.
It's grand lol.

M in SF said...

I wonder if they were trying to take a shit like Michael Phelps or trying to shit out Michael Phelps.

Quite a difference.

I hope it was the latter.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

I check statcounter obsessively. The best search term to have found me was "goat fucking", though "dvd sexy rump ass" comes a close second.

Sandy said...

Wowwww.
I've noticed people becoming more and more obsessed with Phelps, but, this just crosses a huge line.

hautepocket said...

That's most excellent. I get numerous hits a day from people searching for "photos of the world's largest nipples." Now, I neither have enormously large nipples, nor do I recall ever writing about obscenely large mammaries, so I really have no idea what that is all about. :)

graduatedlearning said...

haha that is so weird!

Andy said...

One of my visitors, using Google in the U.K., searched for "how to make vending machines accept fake money." I can only guess that linked to my Sacagewea post.
And I now know much more about Haute's nipple size than anyone should know.

Katelin said...

oh wow and i thought i had some weird searches going on.

Tassie Rosamond said...

I need to know how to access a site meter like this! I'm struggling with gettin a counter to work on my page. Can anyone help me? I thought this post was really funny by the way...

Perfectly Shelly said...

ok, I just got another weird one....'whisker burn vagina'

WTF??

Paula said...

i laughed out loud at this one. the things people google . . .

Allie said...

Yeah, as a Michigander myself, I always thought that side of the state (the Detroit area) was a little suspect...

I don't get too many crazy searches though I keep getting a recurring search for "hot dentist" on my site meter. I mean, my dentist IS pretty hot but I've never blogged about him...and is that a new criteria for dentists these days? 1-800-HOT-DENT?

Lindsay said...

Hi, like your blog, and ummm I want a sitemeter thingy, help..please! Thanks!

Cagey said...

I've been reading your blog intermittently since yesterday, starting from the present to just now running into this post. Hadn't meant to make a comment yet, but I happen to live in Clinton Township, MI. If your searcher's query had come from Detroit I wouldn't have given it a second thought, but here? It's not that big a suburb. Now I gotta start wondering about my neighbors...

Anyway, excellent job. I think I'm falling in love. Or, at least I'd like to buy you a decent meal [grin]

Keep up the good work.