Monday, December 01, 2008

Suck It, Oxygen Network


After a sleepless Saturday night involving an endless parade of Hugh Grant movies on cable, I've finally developed a healthy loathing for him, his sleepy eyes, floppy hair, and delightful personality.

The opposite of "Thank You" goes out to Lifetime, Oxygen, We, and any other uterus-based television network* for shoving his upper class accent and stammering speech patterns into my retinas AND for somehow rendering me incapable of changing the channel, even when confronted with 124 minutes of Notting Hill, in which Hugh woos, spurns, and re-woos Julia Roberts and her creepy lip cuticle.**

*Collective Motto: "Because Sometimes Midol Isn't Enough".
** And through the magic of HD, I could actually see her growing rows of new teeth. Like a shark.

20 comments:

Andy said...

I have yet to figure out his charm, other than the accent. Maybe I just need to act more aloof and stumble over my words while combing my fingers through my hair. Is that it?

SouthernBelle said...

LOL, Husband & I hate Julia Roberts with a fiery passion. One day she will devour us all.

As for Hugh Grant, I never liked him until he got rid of that awful floppy hair and played selfish a-hole characters (in About a Boy and also in Bridget Jones), which I think is closer to his real-life personality. I still don't *love* him, but I get it now.

Andy - nope, you need the upper-class British accent. The other things are forgivable *because* of the accent.

surviving myself said...

I hate Hugh Grant because he's better than me.

: (

He even makes better emoticons.

Vanilla said...

I LOVE Notting Hill. I mean, if I admitted to watching and liking chick flicks I'd love it...

I*turns in man card*

Broke But Still Drinking said...

Notting Hill gives me hope. It gives me hope in finding a movie star to take care of me.

Princess of the Universe said...

I've never seen Notting Hill...but that's cause of Julia - not Hugh...

Áine Caitríona said...

Hugh Grant? But he's so charminlgy befuddled!!!

Pffft. Give me Robbie Williams ANY day over that yutz.

X-Country2 said...

The floppy hair kills me too. It can't be THAT hard to tame, can it?

Anonymous said...

I couldn't handle Hugh's revoltingly crooked teeth in HD. It would be like a geography lesson on mountain ranges and crevices.

the queen of awkward said...

I had to read this post twice because the first time my brain just assumed that "Hugh" was supposed to be followed by "Laurie".

Was shocked, confused and deeply saddened for about two and a half seconds.

Then realized I'm an idiot.

Hugh Grant is kind of a twit, yeah.

Dexter Colt said...

Hugh Jass. That's all I've got...

Sara said...

Alright, I'll stand alone on this one. I LOVE him!! I love his accent and he is just so cute...I'd take him any day:)

ÄsK AliCë said...

Julia Roberts is quirky and that's about all I got. As for Hugh, he seems to always play the same guy.

My word verification is holler which is all kinds of awesome

The Clandestine Samurai said...

I can't say I've paid any particular attention to either one of them. Of course, I started paying attention to Julia Roberts after the Ocean's series, but only because she's now doing films with high-quality directors. She probably was before, but now she's doing them with directors I pay attention to.

emmysuh said...

Oh my sweet Michael Phelps, I just had an earth-shattering moment of confusion. I apparently skimmed the first paragraph and just saw "Hugh" and assumed you were talking about Hugh Laurie, then kept reading...and had a reaction similiar to "Wait -- is this actually happening? I thought it was Hugh Laurie + J-Money = forever? She hates him just because of a marathon???"

Then I got to the part about Notting Hill...then I reread the paragraph...and now the world is okay again.

Marathon Maritza said...

I watched this when it was on too!

I'm with Sara, I do love me some Hugh Grant....but the slew of romantic comedies did lead to depression and Haagen Daz consumption.

Maria said...

That chart reminds me of How I Met Your Mother's "Hot/Crazy" scale.

California Girl said...

I think the real issue here is Oxygen. It is the most over commercialized of all the commercialized networks. It's worse than TNT and I didn't think anything could be worse than that. Not sure what Oprah was thinking but I hate any network that makes me sit through 5-10 ads per commercial break while extending the length of a feature film by 30-45 minutes. This is why God invented Tivo and DVR

Braja said...

Good to hear you've renounced Hugh, maybe you should take that blurb off your sidebar...first time visit, I'm weekend stalking and I found you somehow...through Heinous I believe. See you round :)

Noob Mommy said...

That graph is hilarious! As much as I also begin to despise Hugh and all his sameness, I will have to watch Love Actually this Christmas. It's my own personal tradition.