Monday, December 01, 2008

Tastes Like Disappointment

Because my body is a Temple (of Doom) and also because my monthly income is less than a subscription to US Weekly, I frequently find myself idling in the drive through lane, waiting to suckle from Wendy's bargain-priced, bacon-covered teat. Tonight, I broke from my 'Double Stack and Child's Size Frosty' habit to sample Her heavily advertised Gourmet Mushroom Swiss Burger. Unfortunately, the item that was thrust through my open car window looked nothing like what I'd seen in the pictures. Instead of this:

I was given this:

Yes, I still ate for under a fin, it still had the fat-tastic flavor I've come to depend on, and it still made my car smell like a hobo's pants, but I can't help but feel cheated. It's like falling for someone's cover model-caliber eHarmony picture but when you meet them, they look like a rotting squash.

And they don't have nearly enough mushrooms.

46 comments:

E Chuod said...

So how do I get one of those super model e harmony pictures? I've got some people to trick! And sign me up for a smushy hobo pants burger!

Julia said...

You're not the only one:

http://laundrypile.blogspot.com/2008/11/shattered-expectations.html

Beth said...

"... hobo's pants."

That goes down in my book as one of the best word combinations of all time!

Mike said...

The bacon in the fake picture is probably made out of plastic. Who knows what the other stuff is.

VisH said...

ohhhh my god at ur blog u put it down some sensual Pic.most i like Kissssssssssses Pictures...

but you're not the only one who love it?

Robbie said...

Wow!....a square burger. Really? Thats pretty Jetson's futuristic that is.

The Zebra said...

Hahaha...

My car, too, smells like a hobo's pants. Well put!

Wendy's = glory

http://thezebrachronicle.blogspot.com/

The Clandestine Samurai said...

Usually I'd do the same as you, and just eat it even if it's imperfect. But the picture that you put of your burger shows that it's missing ingredients. Where's the lettuce and tomato? I would've given it back.

Ben said...

I gained five pounds reading this post and lost six when I threw up after. I think I came out on top!

nancypearlwannabe said...

I've now been warned by at least four different people about that mushroom burger. I'm thankful, but also feel like maybe I should be concerned about the eating habits of my friends.

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

Clearly, you were gypped.

Bogart in P Towne said...

It is like having beer goggles...wow, I have not used that phrase since leaving college in the 90's.

Broke But Still Drinking said...

It's common practice for Wendy's employees to sit on burgers when heat lamps break. It appears your visit coincided with a Wendy's lamp outage. This would explain the flattened condition.

Cortney said...

HAHA! So true!

Andy said...

I love that you get a Double Stack... and a Child's Size Frosty, as if to minimize the bad nutrition intake of the Double Stack with the child's size dessert. I.E., my technique.

emmysuh said...

Mmm, nothing says "I'm going to regret this later!" like the sweet, succulent smell of hobo pants.

(And thank you, by the way, it's not even 9 AM and I'm all, Oo Wendy's Fat-a-thon!)

X-Country2 said...

Wendy's is disgusting and terrible, but every time I try to break up with it, the Frosty keeps pulling me back in. F'in Frosty.

A Lil' Irish Lass said...

I am having the worst day ever. But this post, especially that second photo, made me nearly piss my pants (which, ironically enough, would have made ME smell like a hobo). Thank you so much.

Dr Zibbs said...

That is a damn sin

the cubicle's backporch said...

What? You mean there's a difference between the burger and the picture?

Regardless, I'm hungry right now and I would STILL so eat it.

chasinglibby said...

you should totally march up to the counter and show them this comparison. then post about it. becuase i know it'd be hilarious!

wolf said...

I haaaaaaaate the girl in the Bacon Mushroom Swissburger ad who says "fresh beef is the canvas upon which this masterpiece is painted." Bitch, please, that girl looks like she hasn't eaten a hamburger since junior high.

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCLBokGxpho

Maybe this will cheer you up? :)

--grace b

Arjewtino said...

The trick is to imagine it's delicious.

Never underestimate our ability to rationalize.

P.S. Your word verification cracked me up (because I'm immature): coofers.

Anonymous said...

hahaha burp hahaha

Julian Meteor said...

I think you used soft focus on the second picture and did NOT do it justice.

f.B said...

Your hobo pants burger reminds me of what I'd get from a Roy Rogers. And so I'm jealous.

LindzML said...

I get shafted on my Nacho Cheese Chalupa every time. And it DOES make your car smell like hobo pants.

Heinous said...

Now I have to go track down a hobo to sniff so I have something to compare to.

lifeintheleftlane said...

Wow, your burger isn't even close to the one on TV. It's more like shit on a bun, but at least it tasted good.

I'm still cracking up at the comparison!

Maxie said...

See...that's why I don't trust pictures and commercials. How frustrating.

Anonymous said...

That is hysterical. I mean....we all KNOW the picture and product are going to be different. We all THINK the same thing when we order it...but to see the side by side. Just. Fucking. Awesome.

missamymac

whoissecretdubai said...

Hello,

A humble request...

Do you, by any chance, happen to know who Secret Dubai (the blogger: secretdubai.blogspot.com) is?

http://whoissecretdubai.blogspot.com/

One Hypo said...

I would love to eat that and puke it right back up.

Stanley! said...

Mmmm... bacon-covered teat.

-I'm sorry, what were you saying? Oh, yes, the mushroom burger. Terrible tragedy, that.

Mickey said...

You just have to close your eyes and enjoy, comfortable in the thought that it will make you too one day look like a rotting squash.

whoissecretdubai said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mike said...

This post has not been removed by the author.

You've gotten enough mileage out this hamburger.

NEXT!!!!

Me! said...

*Barf!* Stick to the classics lol.

Jacob said...

You can blame Mickey for this, but I tagged you for the meme that he tagged me for. If you're interested in a free meme post, check out my post and follow the instructions.

Tassie said...

Isn't it amazing what we will eat? It doesn't really matter how it looks to me (although I'd like it to be like the picture) I'll still eat it. I'm convinced our Wendy's puts some type of drug in their food....the drive thru line is ALWAYS backed up to the highway!

Scientific Lutheran said...

OHMYGOD! I'm laughing so hard I'm crying!

I've noticed that Arby's is bad about that, too.

Several minutes later, I'm still laughing. I'm coming back here more often.

Random Esquire said...

I'd totally eat that.

I have no shame.

Far said...

Whoa talk about misrepresentation!! lol they look nothing alike... but i guess it all goes down the same way huh!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

OMG you are awesome! And I envy you that you beat me to the punch of photo-journaling about burgers advertised vs. burgers in the flesh.

Totally bookmarking you.

- Margaret

Beth said...

Thats sad and actually hurts my heart a little.

When I was in high school, I remember learning that the food in commercials isn't real. It's literally plastic and styrofoam, etc etc etc.

Not. Fair.