Thursday, February 12, 2009

Mini Update: Day 4

Things I Learned at the National Gallery:

1) There was an entire square on the museum map dedicated to the Italian painter Titian. Fun fact about me: I'm a direct descendant of this dude. Since scraps of his DNA may have been handed down to my own inferior double helix, I lingered a bit too long in this room, eventually being approached by a woman with an embroidered sweater to see if I needed any assistance. This was the opening I'd been waiting for and I pointed to a skillfully brushed portrait of a guy with an arrow and shrieked "I'M RELATED TO HIM!" She looked at me like I'd pulled my molars out and presented them to her, took a deep breath and said "That's the goddess Diana, I'm afraid." I tried to explain that I meant Titian--breaking out my best Italian 101 to pronounce his given surname of Vecellio--but she was neither particularly impressed, nor did she stand beside me long enough to hear the rest of the sentence.

2) Only works by three of the four Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were on display. Sorry, Donatello. Not only do you get the shittiest weapon in the group, you also didn't score a place beside the gilded frames of the others.

3) Cherubs are uncircumcised.

4) If you believe the paintings, the only people who lived from 1400-ish to 1600-ish were men with velvety hats who liked to accessorize with leather books and pheasants, dead eyed children who--according to the caption--had a nasty habit of becoming actually dead after being painted, horses, and people who liked to kill Jesus.

5) On the enjoyability scale, this took the bronze behind the pair of Tates (more on my trip to the Tate Britain later). It was nice to actually catch a glimpse of Van Gogh's "Sunflowers", which I recognized from the Freshman Dorm starter kit. Every year I attended college, at least 7 out of 10 girls had that taped to the wall. Of the other 3, two of 'em had Van Gogh's "Starry Night" and I wasn't ever friends with the other one, but I'm assuming she owned something from Spencer Gifts.

13 comments:

Cloven Hoof said...

> Italian painter Titian. Fun fact about me:
> I'm a direct descendant of this dude.

You need to add that to Wikipedia. ;)

Oh and Donatello does machines. He ain't no arty farty kinda guy.

Rose and Jill said...

Cherubs are uncircumcised? Who knew?!
-R

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Only one of the Ninja Turtles?!Travesty! I'm cancelling my European tour this minute.

Anonymous said...

Obviously, no Jewish Cherubs. Actually, if you spent less time in the museums you might find out that most European males are uncircumcised as well..but that is another sight to see.

amindinmotown said...

#4 about sums up my art history class from freshman year of college...

Nate said...

College dorm rooms make it impossible for me to enjoy the works of Van Gogh, Klimt, and Monet, despite not having been inside a college dorm room in almost three-fourths of a decade.

Craig said...

J-Money, is there an equivalence for guys on the Freshman Dorm Starter kit, or is it all Scarface posters and scantily clad women who would never talk to you in a brazillion years?

Analyst Catalyst said...

Crappy weapon aside, Donatello was still my favorite.

Lindsay said...

I wish I was related to Titian. That's awesome.

beth said...

Soon to be out...Donatello's Revenge! First time to your blog...very interesting. I'll be back.

Eddie said...

"Not only do you get the shittiest weapon in the group"

Spoken like someone who never played TMNT on the original Nintendo.

Heather Rose said...

I feel the need to tell you how much it rocks that you're related to Titian.

Oh, and did you know they also call the creepy chubby cherubs "pooties"?

I'm so serious right now.

jumblejo said...

I couldn't get past your first point without laughing till my eyes watered.
Keep the updates coming!