Monday, March 09, 2009

This Charming (Contagious) Man

Author's Note: Yes, I'm crosspollinating both of my sites with this pic 'n' paragraphs because I need to harness the collective powers of the internet to ensure that at 7:30 Wednesday night, my ass is parked in a chair with an attached cup holder, getting ready to do my best Mancunian accent as I howl along with "Hand In Glove".

I’m approximately 49.5 hours away from being close enough to Morrissey to leave the venue covered in his sweat, silk threads and errant emotions but I’m starting to worry that it won’t happen. Of the seven shows set to open his “Years of Refusal” tour, he’s already cancelled six of them “due to illness” and the one that he did climb onstage for—Friday night in Myrtle Beach, SC—had to be cut short.

It was just posted on his website that he’s axed tonight’s gig in Asheville, North Cackalacky and I sincerely hope he uses tomorrow’s scheduled off day to start mainlining Emergen-C and echinacea because SO HELP ME, Stephen Patrick Morrissey, if you put an all-caps “CANCELLED” beside Wednesday night’s performance—the one that I’ve been yearning for since the sixteen year old version of me bought her first Smiths CD—SO HELP ME I WILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT.

Otherwise, I’ll see you in Durham. I’ll be the one in the front row, stage right, so please throw me your shirt.

P.S. If all of my virtual friends could hold hands and send healing thoughts to Morrissey on the backs of well-tailored unicorns, that would be awesome and I would love you until forever.

15 comments:

Jaxie Fantastic said...

Healing thoughts sent! I'll work on the unicorn...

just me said...

One time I was close enough to Sting to see the bulge in his tight pants.

It was like the best thing ever.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Good luck, I hope he pulls through. From my experience of seeing Tom Petty last July for the first time in the 18 years he's been my favourite artist, I say cherish every moment. You'll come out smiling like a loon!

*Akilah Sakai* said...

I hope the day off does him some good and your show goes off without a hitch.

Have a good time and I hope you get sweat on. ;)

Drunk and Offensive said...

Ummm... I know we've been having relationship troubles, but I've been seeing a therapist. This therapist told me that I can't hide behind my feelings for you. She also said that Morrisey's a pretty boy that didn't get enough attention from his mama. You know what? Neither did I. Does this mean we can still make this thing work? Does this mean that you 'The World is Full of Crashing Bores' me?

menanddevils said...

Shanti shanti shanti.

Cloven Hoof said...

In much the same way as how Beverly Hills inhabitants appear to be incessantly and impossibly shiny*, we in the North all look permanently ill and pasty, and close enough to death to trick or treat Lucifer himself. I ask you, how could anyone tell if he really is ill?

Probably overzealous management cancel the shows. Really just give the chap a good cuppa and he'll be right as rain.

(It also sounds dodgy because have you ever known a Northerner to take a day off work for anything less than death itself? I thought so.)

* Does Mr Sheen have a clinic there?

Fionnuala said...

Cloven Hoof most certainly has a point ...

And between Hitchcock, the dinosaurs and Mozza, I think we would most certainly be BFFs in real life.

emmysuh said...

I'm an excellent handholder and good thought sender -- I feel like we should have a facebook or twitter seance for you.

Let's say,um, 8:30 PM Central Time, eh, everyone?

Jen said...

Stupid illnesses! *thinks healing thoughts* Ok, should be good to go ;-)

Mike said...

So THIS is how you spend your blogger earnings.

Wv - mylai - you wish.

Alya said...

"due to illness".. hmmm? I wonder what sort of illness that would be..

*Sending out positive thoughts*

Shelly... said...

I'm jealous! He better not cancel cuz I want to hear how the concert went!!

Gleemonex said...

GOD I love you. How long it has taken me to find you ...

You and me are LIKETHIS about Moz. I have a piece of a shirt of his from a few years back. It is what I would grab on my way out just moments before the fires consumed my house.

Also: I don't know your feelings about the Pixes, but that first-row awesomeness was me + Kim Motherfucking Deal on their reunion ("Sellout") tour. I got her setlist. Holy fuck.

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