Thursday, April 02, 2009

Now My Heart is Full

After 13 hours in the car, four packages of pizza-flavored Combos and enough caffeine to kill an apatosaurus, I'm back from Columbus and the GREATEST CONCERT EVER. There will be a full recap, of course, but here are the three main ideas:

1) I was in the front row again and--I'm not going to lie--it took a full serving of good luck, lightly drizzled with a bit of deception.

2) Morrissey was staying in my hotel. Unfortunately, he and the rest of the band checked in the night before and rolled out immediately after the show, which means I didn't have the chance to cling to the underside of his tour bus, Cape Fear-style.

3) HE TOUCHED ME. I TOUCHED MORRISSEY. He shook my hand during "How Soon is Now?" and for the entire time my paw was in his, I was terrified either my aorta would rupture or my bowels would release. Somehow, I managed to keep all of my parts intact.

Yes, I have washed my hand, but reluctantly.

More-issey tomorrow (DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?) and then, I swear, I'll go back to talking about my failures.


Racquel Valencia said...

I'm, literally, seventeen kinds of jealous right now.

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Happy for ya' hand shake!

Hey, Cape Fear-style is the only way to do it properly ... or so I've been told.

KT said...

Totally bummed that I didn't get to treat you to some Combos in Columbus. But glad the concert rocked.

Mike said...

Be careful. House may decide to not take your case.

Wv: ineneste - Where the birdy isy.

Dancing Hula in the Sunset said...

Oh I wish I could be so bold about my love for him. See, in High School I was the heavy metal chica smoking in the parking lot and listening to whitesnake. I couldn't confess my love for "sixteen clumbsy and shy, I went to london and I . . . "
How I envy you.

joyRuN said...

You are one lucky b.

Sharon, The Queen Blogger said...

He probably has his bodyguard check the wheel wells for groupie meat at every rest stop.

Abecedarius Rex said...

So this post was, like, irony, right? I mean, like, Morrissey?

No, wonderful, truly. Now you've been there, done that AND you have the t-shirt.

Michael said...

I'm happy you got to touch The Man

Gilahi said...

I'm sorry. I've tried and tried to hold back. I've thought, "well, different people have different tastes". But I really do think that all this Morrisey obsession cannot be reasonably removed from your list of failures.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

If my vast experience of indie nightclubs is anything to go by, holding someone's hand during 'How Soon is Now?' means you're practically dating.

Fionnuala said...

I am immensely jealous of you getting to TOUCH MORRISSEY.

emmysuh said...

Touching your idol sounds AMAZING, but why the hell was he shaking your hand during a song? Did ya'll just complete a business deal or something?

I'm confused. I need more details to understand this better.

C.Flower said...

Happened upon your blog via "My Mother's Daughter," got a good laugh out of your Cape Fear reference.

Isn't Morrissey in his 80s?


I read somewhere he uses a walker on stage and chugs Metamucil between sets.

Nice blog!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

I named my recumbent stationary bike after Morrissey.

Which is not as much of an honor as you might think.

Look, I'm not saying it's not an honor.

Just not as much as you'd think.

(The Cape Feare-style chassis-grab didn't work out so well for Sideshow Bob, so it's just as well you didn't. And I hear Morrissey's next concert was at Rick's World of Randomly-Strewn Garden Rakes. So it only would have been worse for you had you chassis-hopped. )

J-Money said...

racquel valencia: I'm curious how I could round that up to an even 20 kinds of jealous.

*akilah sakai: Exactly. If it's good enough for the creepiest side of Bobby DeNiro, it's good enough for me.

KT: ME TOO! My sis lives in Ohio, so hopefully we can split a bag of pizza-flavored pretzel treats soon.

mike: You make an excellent point.

dancing hula in the sunset: It's OK. You can let your Moz-feelings out here.

joyrun: Most days, I'd disagree. That night, however, was unarguably awesome.

sharon the queen blogger: "Groupie Meat" is going to be the name of my band. Also, I just spewed Hanson's Black Cherry Cola all over the ottoman. Well played.

abcedarius rex: Well said. And it is AN AWESOME UNIRONIC T-SHIRT too.

michael: Thank you, sir. I am too. And now, every concert will be measured against this one.

gilahi: Just wait till I tear into my Robyn Hitchcock addiction...

the imaginary reviewer: The way he avoided eye contact with me afterwards means that in some cultures we're now married.

fionnuala: OK, but you met Robyn Hitchcock so I think we're even in our jealousy levels.

emmysuh: Hahaha that was awesome. No, he didn't just sell me a condo. He comes to the edge of the stage and clasps the hands of the crowd at various points, causing us all to wilt like overheated geraniums. There's also a tradition of stage invading--running onto the stage and hugging him while he pretends to ignore it--although security prevented me from attempting that one.

c. flower: YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH, YOU CRUCIFEROUS VEGETABLE. He is a fit(-ish) fifty, thankyouverymuch!

glaven q. heisenberg: I wish I'd thought to name exercise equipment for my musical idols...although I did name my dog for a member of the Grateful Dead. Also, that Simpsons episode is quite possibly my favorite, ever.