Monday, May 18, 2009

The 'Burgh

So I drove to Pittsburgh this weekend to meet some of my favorite Twitter people1 and because I needed to ensure that my car will smell like Cool Ranch Doritos and gas station coffee for the next several months. I'm writing a recap of the entire weekend but if I had to paraphrase it in the style of eBay feedback, it would be A+++ HIGHLY RECOMMEND! WOULD SEE THEM IN REAL LIFE AGAIN.

Until then--and based on what everyone knows about my tendency to fumble through life--I suggest you look at the photo above and ask yourself Did J-Money rip the back of her dress open by:

A) Trying to save a litter of Puggle puppies from a burning building/hot car/flea market.

B) Fleeing the Andy Warhol museum after being scolded for trying to take an iPhone picture not of the art but of the man wearing a purple mesh shirt and breakaway Chicago Bears wind pants.

C) Defying all practical knowledge and waking Wolverine while he was sleepwalking.

D) By running into a door.

1 My dad was disappointed to learn that Ashton Kutcher wasn't there.

Photo by Tony Delgrosso

29 comments:

Mike said...

1 My dad was ......

Bummer. You mention the D word. I'm old enough to be your D word. The fantasy has been destroyed.

*Akilah Sakai* said...

As for the torn dress, I'd say ALL of the above!

Ha! The eBay feedback style was friggin' hilarious. You come up with some stuff that is bananas!

Walter said...

I'm going with the puggles. Definitely the puggles.

lacochran said...

Show us the picture of the guy in the purple mesh shirt!!

Perfectly Shelly said...

OH...OH...I say B! B!!

Am I right?

HiTeach said...

I am crushed to find out you were in Pittsburgh...where I live and did not get to meet you. I would have taken you to see Warhol's grave in a small cemetery outside of town...people leave cans of tomato soup there all the time.
Did you get a Primanti's?

MonsteRawr said...

At least the chic was confident enough to celebrate her mistakes. I would have done something silly, like change shirts.

Jan said...

1. I am impressed that you were sporting a black bra!
2 Is someone applying cellophane tape to the rip?

Ananda girl said...

My guess is B... you can't make stuff like that up.

Or can you?

Lisa Page Rosenberg said...

Please say it's B and that you gave him my number.

Menta Lee Hill said...

B...B...definitely B. (When will we know for sure, though?)

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

I'm quite jealous of the Twootennanny, partly because it looked like fun and partly because I only know about three people who went and I want in on the clique.

And my guess is C.

Erin said...

Please, please tell us you did actually get a picture of the guy in the Warhol museum, and that you will post it for us ASAP.

Ashley said...

Bah! I live in Pittsburgh. Hope you enjoyed yourself. I'm also willing to bet it was the Puggles. That'd be priceless.

FunnyGal KAT said...

Please let it be B... and please let you have been successful in getting the photo! Man, you are entertaining wherever you go!

Stinkfingers McNutbutter said...

I often enjoy the comments as much as the post. The reason being, some of you people are absolute fucknuts. Hey, HiTeach. Let's examine your comment.

"I am crushed to find out you were in Pittsburgh...where I live and did not get to meet you."
- Crushed? Really? Someone you don't know traveled hundreds of miles to meet some friends, and you are crushed that you were not among them? "Crushed." Get a dog.

"I would have taken you to see Warhol's grave in a small cemetery outside of town...people leave cans of tomato soup there all the time."
- This could be interpreted in a number of manners. 1. You are a psycho. Who the hell suggests taking a friend, upon first meeting them, to the outskirts of town where you will be surrounded by graves? Nothing good can come from this scenario. 2. You're a pompous ass. Perhaps you are suggesting that this struggling comedienne could benefit from scoring some free soup left for a dead guy. Look, tomato soup is pretty much the cheapest option out there. If she can afford gas to your town, she can probably buy some damn soup. Get off your fucking high horse. 3. You are a psycho. I'm going to have to double the odds up by including this choice again. Seriously, what other fun things might you have in mind? "Hey, come on up to Pittsburgh, I've got a sweet collection of surgical instruments and an empty chest freezer."

"Did you get to Primanti's?"
- I got nothing on that. It may be the best damn restaurant in the world. Oh wait...maybe Primanti's is a funeral home. If so, run J-Money.

J-Money said...

Aw, Stinkfingers, be nice.

In all fairness, I drove to Pittsburgh to hang out with a couple dozen people I'd never met before, so it's not outside the realm of possibility that I would've met one more.

Also, I probably would've gone to see Warhol's grave. I'm a weirdo who's interested in stuff like that and who once traipsed around a cemetery in Palo Alto for two hours, trying to find the memorial for Ron "Pigpen" McKernan.

Yes, I did go to Primanti's. Yes, there were fries baked into the sandwich. Yes, it humbled me.

Other than that, carry on, kids.

JerseySjov said...

at first glance i thought the loose threads within the rip was back hair.
my guess: D caused by B

Stinkfingers said...

All tongue in cheek. I actually plan to travel to Pittsburgh to enjoy a passionate embrace with HiTeach.

KT said...

I don't know the answer, but why wasn't Ashton there?

HiTeach said...

Hey, Stink...here's another finger for you :)

emmysuh said...

I'm guessing D.

Sad to realize I'm not one of your favourite twitter people. I guess that's just incentive to TWEET HARDER.

Also, my captcha is "haphish" which I'm pretty sure is some sort of special hash, and if so, do you know where I can get some. (At a Phish concert, perhaps? BWAHAHA.)

emmysuh said...

And daaaamn, you gots some dramas going on in yo comments! That's when you KNOW you've hit it big.

Mary said...

have no idea how it happened, but I had trouble seeing it. I was so distracted by the ocelot hair.

repliderium.com said...

I'm so torn between the covert pimp photo and the door.
I'm going with pimp photo.

Phil said...

For the record, let me state that I'm pleased to see that there's no "E) This shirt was pre-made this way."

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

I'd say the puggles because I like saying that word. Pugglespugglespugglespugglespuggles. However, I'll take Door C just because...

Jessica said...

Well- I kind of like option B. I imagine you framing up a photo while the unaware fashionista stares blankly around him. The museum security guard sees you raising the phone, and in slow motion rushes you. It gets blurry after that. Maybe he tackles you? Maybe you see him, panic completely confused but sure you don't want to be rushed? In conclusion, you dress is torn.

However, my guess is d) door. I am going to say this is a bad week with doors as a car door lurched out and b* slapped me in the face, yes leaving a black eye.

"Hey Jessica, what happened?"

"A door hit my face."

Disapproving looks toward hubby while his face turns deep red. Sigh.

Mermanda said...

In Pittsburgh and did not alert the press? (Read: me). I am writing you out of my will ASAP!