Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Four Things

1) Sometimes when I meet people, I’m so insanely nervous that I can’t do anything except a) pant uncontrollably or b) talk incessantly about myself. Unfortunately once it starts—the schmuck-like jabbering— I can’t stop until I'm driving home, wiping an errant smudge of barbeque sauce from my cheek and thinking about all of the questions I wished I’d asked or things I wished we’d covered instead of starting another sentence with “I”. This item is also filed under “Reasons I Rarely Have Second Dates”.

2) Sometimes I’m a chronic over-sharer. This is probably a direct result of spending the past four years putting my entire life on the internet, and while hopefully it’s never as unsettling as being introduced to a friend’s mother just in time for her to fill me in on her uterine fibroids, it’s probably still a bit jarring to the uninitiated (See: Above) who follow normal mores of communication. I have zero secrets, yo.

3) Sometimes when I can’t sleep I catalog my flaws.

4a) There is no four.

4b) Yes there is, and it's a Life Lesson for you. When your neighbor tells you that she and her boyfriend of twenty five years ("TWENTY FIVE YEARS," she repeats for emphasis) have just gotten married, it's not a good idea to respond "Congratulations. Does that void his warranty?"

Just...trust me.

You also may want to avoid the elevator and the building's common areas for a while.

19 comments:

gyl said...

twins on the oversharing and babbling things :)

*Akilah Sakai* said...

One of my biggest flaws is chatter box syndrome. My mom has it, my big sis, me and now my son and daughter can't seem to stop yammering while I'm trying to read blogs.

Herding Cats said...

I both over-talk an over-share (and did so quite well at an interview yesterday). Whoops.

Shevaun said...

I am right with you on number 1. I always plan on asking some questions about the other person, but get nervous and start to drone on about myself.

miss. chief said...

when i'm nervous i do the only-talk-about-myself thing too! it's like all my manners and social grace just flies out the window

pinklea said...

I'm another one who talks too much when I'm nervous or uncomfortable. Since so many of us do it, maybe it's not strictly a flaw. Maybe it's more of a default setting.

zlionsfan said...

I don't always over-share ... but the problem is that I cover the extremes of the scale. When I meet new people (which is redundant, I suppose, you don't really "meet" people you already know), either I talk only about myself or I don't talk at all, so it can be awkward.

Plus I tend to talk really fast when I'm nervous. And I avoid eye contact just in case the other person is actually a basilisk.

I think it's okay to catalog your flaws as a cure for insomnia, unless by "catalog" you mean the literal sense, i.e. writing them on index cards and sorting them alphabetically, and if you are doing that then I really do worry about you.

Polly Syllabick said...

If going for the warranty joke is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Maxie said...

I always overshare. that's why I have a blog. It kind of cradles the crazy so people in my "normal life" don't see it.

rainsinger said...

My family are all chronic under-sharers. I tend to prefer the other variety.

I also talk a lot about myself if I feel socially awkward because I'm trying to make people laugh and put them at ease. Mostly I'm longing to find out about them, but I tend to be cautious but in my experience of Living With Undersharers, I'm used to my questions being met with silence and avoidance.

Also number 4b has given me my first genuine laugh of A Day Of Illness. Thank you for your bold efforts in going out there and providing us with entertainment at no thought of the cost to yourself.

SJB said...

Well, DOES it void it or not?

Mike said...

I also know a couple that got married after 25 years (or more) of living together. My thought, why? (not said out loud)

repliderium.com said...

I think the warranty question is perfectly valid--and may also be why i have few friends.

Phil said...

I'm a big fan of 4(b). Mostly because I just spewed the nonexistent coke that I wasn't drinking all over my monitor.

Ed. said...

Boy do I love this blog. Sorry to get so much enjoyment out of your oversharing, but please don't correct this particular flaw.

Sharon, The Queen Blogger said...

I know people adore hearing about your life and experiences and feelings. They are much more interested in you than themselves. In comparison, their lives are meaningless.

At least that's what I tell myself.

HannahBlue said...

LOL. I tend to overshare and have a very 'dry and sometimes dark' sense of humor that some people don't get. YBut I'm not going to change-Our quirks make us interesting.:)

socal24 said...

You know what? You aren't even the type of blog that I add to my blogroll (sports blogs) but I can't resist your honesty and earnestness. Oh and you are a great writer too.

Kaela said...

Jelisa - I just came across your blog and love it - it's hilarious and totally relatable! I am getting much better on the oversharing after some very uncomfortable moments. And I agree with another comment, having a blog where I can spit everything out helps me a great deal. I do however, talk a lot when I'm nervous. Like if I'm at an interview and I answer a question and no one says anything, I just keep expanding my answer until someone else speaks. It's a reflex! And....it seems I kind of just did it again.