Monday, August 17, 2009

I Know This Much Is True

Some of life's most important lessons are also the most painful to learn. Experiencing these truths for yourself can leave you mentally spent and emotionally battered but each shot to the heart--to spill a bit of Bon Jovi on you--is more than important. Some of the things I'd file in this category include only love can break your heart and only music can save your soul and only six pieces of popcorn is enough to turn your dog's colon inside out.

It's not entirely his fault, but if Orville Redenbacher were still alive, I would've dragged him into my closet at 3:17 a.m., handed him a roll of paper towels and told him to start scrubbing. One handful. One handful of 100 Calorie Kettle Corn was enough to ensure that this Monday would begin with a raging internal debate over whether it would be easier to scrub the carpet or just to pack up my furniture and move.

14 comments:

Michael said...

Isn't every Monday about that, really?

Laura said...

Seriously? My dog used to love to eat popcorn - we'd give her a bowl of it and she'd be so happy.

Then again, she's dead now.

*Akilah Sakai* said...

You're supposed to give the dog Diet Coke afterwards. The bubbles help digest the popcorn. (Or so I heard ...)

flynnster said...

I'd move.

Phil said...

On the bright side, your week can only get better from here on out.

Lisa Page Rosenberg said...

Puts this morning's two gallons of dog vomit (on the only rug in the house) into perspective.
Godspeed.

Mike said...

It wasn't the extra butter movie popcorn was it?! That stuff makes ME sick.

MonsteRawr said...

Funny story, I tried to feed popcorn to my cat just last night. Husband smacked my hand and told me I had no common sence. I told him he has no sence of adventure. Maybe he was right...

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

I had to read that post three times and even then check the comments, before I understood what this post was about.

My brain's just had a workout.

Erin The Great said...

LOL, I know the rath of popcorn on an unsuspecting dog. Your post is hilarious.

repliderium.com said...

I can't comment- I'm laughing too fucking hard over Laura's comment.
Classic!

Kitty said...

Oh no! Popcorn?! It looks so innocent. I am so, so sorry my friend.

brooke said...

my dog is a vomiting/diarrhea-ing machine; and more times in the house than not. if i didn't love her so much, i would totally starve her to death to avoid the situation all together.

coffeejitters said...

I once made the mistake of leaving a 10 lb sealed bag of rice on the floor. Raw rice. My black lab thought that looked like a tasty snack and ripped it open and ate I don't know how much. Not only did he puke, but it shredded the poor guy on the way out the other end, too. Vet said there was nothing we could do but let it pass. those were not fun messes to clean up.

puppies.