Monday, December 14, 2009

File Under: Greetings, Season's

Oh hey, just hanging out by a stock photo of a Christmas tree with an unlicensed image of George Clooney. You know. Like I do.

While I waited for information on a couple of projects I'm working on, I spent a tremendous amount of time with my nose pressed against my MacBook, rearranging the pixels beneath my chin and trying to give myself a skin tone that wasn't the color of cottage cheese while designing this, my Christmas card for Oh Nine.

It's actually been a busy couple of days here, stacked with actual work and--surprisingly--a very cool local project that has a price tag affixed to it. Most times when I say I'm busy, that just means that I'm spending the afternoon trying to make all of my arm hairs face the same direction...but not today. Obviously, I've been slowly adjusting to my [brief] return to Real Work like a diver coming up from the deepest trenches of the ocean, although an ocean littered with unwashed bowls of Boo Berry, a light dusting of dog hair and endless online distractions.

"Like what?" you might ask.

"Like this copy of Bridget Jones' Diary I just had to seek out and download yesterday," I'd say. "No, I have no idea why I suddenly needed to administer a massive dose of floppy haired Englishmen and poorly rendered British accents. But I did."

Here's where you'll just shake your head and make that disappointed sound most people make when they either look at my resume or see me naked. Bridget Jones and I spent yesterday afternoon on the elliptical machine together and, as Renee Zellweger turned her impossibly shriveled eyes in my direction, I realized that if I saw anyone else watching this particular R-rated ovary-party, I would without a doubt make fun of them. And then I would blog about it.

Anyway, I thought I would tear myself away from doing legitimate, grown-up sounding Google searches (as opposed to my daily check for animals dressed as people) to paste my tastefully lit Photoshopped fantasies on the internet. If I had endless amounts of money--enough to backstroke through a vault of gold coins like Scrooge McDuck or Oprah--I would mail a copy to each of you. Until then, right click, save as, and know that I've given you the gift that keeps on giving: the gift of procrastination.

You're welcome. Happy holidays.


Crystal said...

Happy Holidays to you too! Your photoshopping was so good I thought for a second it was a real picture of you choking George from behind :) I'm sure he's into that kind of thing.

(and good luck with the money-in-exchange-for-work project)

Stacie said...

Last year, I did something similar with some pictures of myself and Michael Phelps... Cause I have thing for goofy, disproportionate guys, but I digress.

I actually had to check out Notting Hill the other day, because I needed the Floppiness, but I can't stand Hugh Grant as an a-hole.

lacochran said...

Looks like George is pretty happy with you leaping on his back. :)

Happy holidays right back atcha!

sashyjane said...

I'm surprised Hugh Laurie didn't make the Christmas card this year.

basilexposition said...

Renée's accent in BJD isn't poorly rendered, I didn't think.

That is all.

Alya said...

Well, now that you mentioned "skin", just thought I'd let you know I've got a skincare kit to giveaway over at my blog. Giveaway ends Friday!

Happy Holidays!

Love your card, but where's Hugh Laurie??

Anonymouse said...

What ever happened with 2008's
I'm still waiting!!

Ginny said...

way more entertaining than my card. You look like a very happy couple

Jess said...

Dude, is that Clooney from his ER days? It's a fantastical time warp!

Phil said...

What is it about that man that is so irresistible? He's got that new movie about, I don't know, being some kind of traveling-all-the-time business guy, but I can't be sure because I'm just like "Ooh, George. Call me!"

Non Sequitur Chica said...

Ha ha that card is awesome!

Iva said...

omg! that is a hilarious picture!!

pplist said...

Zellweger sounds like she's trying to remember the coaching sessions syllable by syllable. Sometimes letter by letter.

Kelly L said...

Best. Christmas. Card. Ever.