Friday, December 18, 2009

Grasp Handles for Heart Rate

"I'm just back from the grocery store and as I unloaded my Teddy Grahams and EZ Cheez and other assorted artificial flavors, I realized that by the time these hot dogs expire, it will be a brand new year. We're down to the last handfuls of Oh Nine and I'm both dreading and anticipating the opportunity to crack into 2010. On one hand, I'm looking forward to using my new Kurt Warner Fumble-A-Day Calendar. On the other, January means an endless parade of people bringing their New Years Resolutions into the gym, a solid month of watching helplessly as they awkwardly straddle the elliptical machines or snag the only yoga mat that doesn't smell like a dead raccoon.

I can't fault these people for trying to better themselves, especially when it comes to making healthy choices and positive lifestyle changes. In fact, I went through the same thing several Januarys ago when I came to the sad realization that I got winded trying to unclog the nozzle on my spray butter. Since then, I've worn out more than one YMCA membership card and continue to work out more often than I do anything other than quietly weep about my wasted potential."

--This week for NBC Sports - Out of Bounds, I covered some basic gym etiquette, geared at anyone who may be beginning a new routine as a New Year's resolution. It's also aimed at a handful of people who currently share the YMCA with me, especially the guy who last laundered his workout gear during the Carter administration and the woman who insists on baptizing herself with Designer Imposters perfume before plodding along on the treadmill.


Jay Ferris said...

"...when I came to the sad realization that I got winded trying to unclog the nozzle on my spray butter."

If this is the proper impetus for joining a gym, I may just have to fire my condiment butler come the new year.

Eludius said...

I blogged about gym etiquette last year. This still holds true!

jen said...

Great article! I can never get enough of making fun of people at the gym.

Happy Holidays, J. :)

BugginWord said...

I'm still retching from imagining teddy grahams covered in EZ cheese. Woof.