Monday, December 07, 2009

Ohhhh Dream Weaver

Somewhere between my regularly scheduled three a.m. pee break and the light dusting of Hall & Oates that the clock radio sprinkled into my ears ["Private Eyes" clap "They're watching you" clap clap], I shot a midget in the foot. I had no idea where or how I got the gun--or why I decided to go all Harry Callahan on his Topsiders--but I vividly remember watching him sprawl backwards onto a buffet table, landing squarely in a pile of uncooked, recently deveined shrimp.

I've never studied the subconscious. I'm sure I highlighted entire paragraphs of Freud-tastic facts in my freshman year Intro to Psych class, but those memories were all immediately corroded by my overlapping Intro to Off-Brand Vodka independent study. Either way, I believe that this particular sleep-matinee was my brain's way of reminding me not to eat Tylenol P.M. for dinner. Again.

9 comments:

Paul said...

I love your stuff.
I stared seeing you on Twitter.
You make me laugh ...in a good way.
Thanks

Gilahi said...

Oh come on. Gary Wright? Really? I am so disappointed.

BugginWord said...

Be afraid of the well Vodka...

JerseySjov said...

what a coincidence, i'm writing my thesis on off-brand vodka!

Dani said...

Dude, be glad you destroyed all the Freud crap. He would be all "the midget is you as a child but with your adult understanding, and the gun, the shooting is destroying your perfect views from youth or some shit, and the gun is a penis, for sure and totally, because anything remotely phallic-shaped is ALWAYS a penis".

Freud is messed up.

Next time try deep frying the Tylenol PM, maybe.

Miss Spoken said...

I once had a daydream that I was an alcoholic midget carni-stripper named Lollipop.

Take that, Freud.

Kaela said...

Yeah, my dream the other night about my boyfriend and I become crack dealers and selling each other out to the po po's was MY reminder not to eat ADVIL pm for dinner.

miss. chief said...

Last night I embarrassed myself at work because I peed with the door open and my boss caught me. HAHAHA yikes. Did I just admit that on the internet?

Christy said...

3am pee breaks? If I wasn't a frequent-flyer of J-Money trips, I'd wonder if you were pregnant! However, I'm sure you wouldn't give us that news by describing your nightly output schedule...amiright? =) Missed you lots!!!

lol, btw, my word verification is jackede. Bahaha!