Saturday, December 05, 2009

Resting Heart Rate

Three Things:

1) This photograph was taken ten minutes ago, but it actually could've been snapped at any time in the past eight hours. I was so unproductive today that Ferdinand Marcos called to tell me I was being a lazy bitch.

2) Yes, sometimes I spoon with my dog. For the majority of this year, my Facebook relationship status has been Single (save for a brief time when I clicked It's Complicated after eating an entire Pizza Hut P'Zone) so I often worry that I'm incapable of interacting with anything that doesn't require monthly heartworm treatment.

3) I need one of you to hand me the remote control.


Jan said...

Ah, but you blogged today so YOU WIN!

Turi said...

3) Here ya go. It's the button with the triangle.

Crystal said...

I was spooning with my dog until about 15 minutes ago (and I'm married and my husband was in the bed too).

Just wanted to say I love your blog so much and spent the better part of my Saturday night reading past entries. My excuse was that I'm sick but really, had I been in normal health, I likely would have done the same thing.

One question though...since you don't tag your posts, could you tell me when you got Pigpen because I'm a huge dog lover and I'd like to go back and read about when you got him. I'm working my way through your archives but I also have a day job (kinda) so I need your help on this. Thanks!

Arnetta Green said...

I wish my dog would spoon with me :-(

sarahsouth said...

i guess john already told you, but i saw your nbc sports article and died laughing. then i realized you live in our proud city!

you are incredibly talented and if i were a venture capitalist who invested in comediennes i would totally put my money on you

by the way i too am obsessed with TOP POT

Nate said...

This was exactly my day too. Just call it part of your "creative process" and take a free pass. That's what I do. Thank God for reruns of Malcolm in the Middle.

Jules said...

I did the same thing yesterday, except replace your dog with one of my cats. AND I plan to do the same thing today... SAD.

Ms Behaviour said...

Awesome. I *wish* I could do this today but no. First I have to go to the orifice. Then I have to go and be fed by some nice Indian parents (not mine). Then I have to mail my rent cheque. Then I have to be fed again. While I'm not complaining about the feedings (I could live without having to pay rent), I would rather be spooning with my imaginary dog.

Deidre said...

Um, If I had a dog - I'd totally spend the day spooning with him/her.

I think that's a day well spent, honestly. :)

Phil said...

Wait, that's not what dogs are for? Oh, THAT'S why the dog I rent from my landlord always wants me to throw that tennis ball for him.

grumpy said...

Like Crystal, I am in posession of a husband but that does not prevent me from spooning with my dog. At least he won't try and hump my leg

WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot said...

I spoon my dog more than I do my husband. For one thing, Ali kicks her back leg in an endearing manner when I scratch around her ears and then looks at me with love. Then, she lets out this long sigh of contentment that just KILLS me. If husband did that, he might get some spooning too.

SaraJane said...

Boxers have the sweetest, kissiest faces!!!

Marlowe's Mum said...

Dog spooning is the best. We call my dog "The Beagle Heater" - when it's cold, we spoon with him and warm up from all the heat he throws off. Pigpen is ADORABLE and very snorgleable.

J-Money said...

jan: I did win! My prize? A bedsore on my left hip.

turi: Oh, just in time. I'd already seen that episode of The Golden Girls. Twice.

crystal: I got Pigpen right before Christmas 2007. If you search for "Pigpen" or "Boxerbeast", that should give you several posts to help you procrastinate. Since I don't have a real job, I enjoy eroding the productivity of others.

arnetta green: If you'd like to borrow The Pig, I'll send him and his irritable colon to your house for a week or ten.

sarahsouth: Yes, he came into the weight room a couple of mornings ago to tell me that I'd been outed as a Camel City resident. This means I should probably stop writing about my exes.

nate: Why aren't we roommates?

jules: By "SAD", I know you mean "ENVIABLY AWESOME."

miss behavior: When you finish with the Indian Parents, please send them my way. I, too, enjoy being fed and would even change into a clean pair of sweatpants for their arrival.

deidre: Absolutely. I'm adding Dog Spooner to my resume.

phil: Throw the tennis ball directly at your own ribcage. When the dog chases it, FORCE HIM TO SNUGGLE JUST A MINUTE NO NO NO STOP FIGHTING AND LET IT HAPPEN SHHHH

grumpy: Your husband humps your leg?

whiskytangofoxtrot: Have you tried scratching your husband behind the ears? Also, have you met grumpy's husband?

sarajane: Oh yeah they do. I have no problem telling you that I also like the way his head smells.

marlowe's mum: After getting my last Duke Energy bill, I'm pretty interested in this Beagle Heater you speak of...

Reagan said...

You know he needs one of those dog snuggies, right? :)

Stephen K said...

Reagan no! Don't even joke about it! :P

And J, We've all had those days. Anyone who says they haven't is either a massive overachiever or a liar!