Thursday, February 11, 2010

P.S.

Wow, I had no idea that everyone apparently majored in Dog Feeding, which sounds infinitely more valuable than my own Theatre degree. Thank you guys for all of the tips and suggestions after yesterday's post. Several people told me that I should take the Boxerbeast's food and mix it with pureed pumpkin, which is one of the few canned goods I actually keep on hand.1 No, really.

Unfortunately it didn't work, although he seemed to enjoy spitting the orange-hued mixture onto the floor, tongue bathing the wood as he tried to lick up every harvest-flavored splotch. Since he continued to scatter--and ignore--the LifeSource® bits, I'll be trying one of the other approaches tomorrow, right after my wracking sobs stop. Also I may be giving up a dog for Lent.2

1 I make a protein shake with pumpkin, because I like to refuel my muscles after a workout and also I enjoy stomach cramps. For those of you who might be interested, get your blender (or register for one if you're getting married soon and your sister might be looking for a present in the $15-$20 range) and add one cup of skim milk, 1/2 cup of pureed pumpkin, 1/2 cup Butter Pecan ice cream, and one scoop of Vanilla protein powder.3 Toss in a few frozen cubes, mash the button and pretend it tastes delicious, right before dumping most of it into the sink and eating the rest of the Butter Pecan ice cream.

2 As opposed to my usual Lenten sacrifice when I claim I'm going to give up celibacy. You'd think that would work as a pickup line but it never does. This Ash Wednesday, though, I'm going to try to make it out of the church before I point this out to any eligible-looking, possibly madras-wearing gentleman. I just assumed that people would be more chatty in the communion line since it's not like there's anything else to do as we endure our interminably slow two-step toward the priest.

3 I dig Designer Whey protein. Every brand tastes like ground up cow bones, but this has a hint of real vanilla flavor layered within the Nastiness.

19 comments:

Kim said...

Oops, I just posted opinions about dog feeding as you were posting this one. At least no one told you to do the crazy raw food diet! More importantly, Pigpen is such a handsome boy and he has a wonderfully sweet face.

Grace said...

Oops, sorry about that pumpkin tip... he is seriously determined not to eat those things. My dog will eat anything covered in pumpkin, cheese or (who knew) mixed with carrots.

blackkattz said...

wow! i work at a petfood store and the pumpkin trick is usally a sure thing. lots of dogs (and cats) spit out the LifeSource bits in blue buffalo. you can try pouring a bit of olive oil over his food and microwaving for a few seconds.

Amanda said...

OMG. Can't wait to hear how blackkattz idea goes...i see mushy grease stains...

Misplaced Country Girl said...

My kitchen floor looks just like this. As does the floor in the living room, bathroom and bedroom! You are not alone!

Scribe said...

He's such a mugwump! Good luck with the feeding. Mine rolls carrots around the entire house before eating them.

Titanium said...

There's gonna be a plethora of Lent-sized dog droppings...

I plan to give up a beagle. And possibly the ten year old who swore she would take care of the dog as if it were her own.

Anonymous said...

Kim - that crazy raw food diet is species appropriate for a dog and solves a multitude of problems that dog (and cat) owners constantly struggle with such as allergies, excessive shedding, chronic ear infections, and more. It's cheap, easy and has the added benefit of being highly digestible so the dog poops tiny and it doesnt smell. Dont knock what you dont understand.

alexis said...

I didn't read all your last post comments but did anyone suggest mixing a little warm water in with the food? My cats get BB dry food as a snack and they eat every bit of it.

Also, if you go to bluebuff.com and fill out a thing about switching they'll send you a coupon for the food.

Kim said...

Anonymous, the comment I made about the raw food diet was purely in jest - I meant no disrespect. I actually have read quite a bit about it, it just has not been a viable option for my dog because of his health issues. I spent a great deal of time stressing myself out and trying to get answers on better commercial/raw diets for him when he had to change his diet, and could not get answers that convinced me that a dog on a low protein diet could eat raw food. I completely respect your opinion, but do try to have a sense of humour.

Heat said...

Pour a little pineapple juice on it, swear to Buddha it works for my dogs. Of course, my dogs are flippin' weirdos that prefer carrots and chunks of pineapple over regular dog biscuits.

STOP JUDGING MY DOGS loljk it's okay, I judge them too.

IDmayday said...

My boxer doesn't actually sort through her food but those rubberlips still manage to sling kibble and water everywhere. I'll stay tuned for any tips, and in the mean time, I'll leave it up to the 2nd machine to clean up.

Holly A Hughes said...

Any post where the footnotes are longer than the post itself gets my vote.

And by the way, Titanium, your 10-year-old and my dog-loving slacker 14-year-year-old probably would get along very well.

Lauren/Lo/Sassy said...

When I saw your first post I thought maybe he just needs a larger dish? The bowl just might be too big for him to easily get his face in there and slurp up the food. Who knows! good luck!

STP said...

You might also hit up petco or petsmart and get one of those food dish mats that has the raised edges to help keep the food from going everywhere.

NY Wolve said...

Bacon grease. If you have canned pumpkin, I bet you have bacon grease too. When I was a kid, my mother used to keep a grease pot, with grease drippings from everything she cooked. It then solidified into this goopy mess. The dog would get a healthy splotch on his food.

Now, of course, I can't imagine cooking enough to produce that kind of grease, much less saving it.

LiLu said...

"You'd think that would work as a pickup line but it never does."

I'm going to be totally bummed if no one tries this on me now.

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