Wednesday, February 03, 2010

A Word From Our Sponsors

1) I'm not sure how or why I ended up wedged between the sofa cushions like an errant Cheez-It long enough to watch CBS's Best Super Bowl Commercials of the Decade. For an excruciatingly long hour, host Jim Nantz tried his best to look lifelike as he introduced several CareerBuilder.com and Pedigree mealtime ads I'd forgotten about forgetting about. Halfway through the program, I started to feel sorry for the regular commercials that were stacked in the breaks between the hand-picked Best spots; every cheese-drenched Hardee's Thickburger or oddly-belted TJMaxx monstrosity just looked more terrible by comparison. This is probably what it feels like to be the kitchen staff at Hooters.

2) I did see an ad for McDonald's new Big Mac Wrap, which looks like what would happen if one of their burgers had sex with a Snuggie. Before their multicultural cast had finished biting and smiling, I was well conflicted, finding the idea of tortilla-swaddled beef chunks both repulsive and attractive, like the Sarah Jessica Parker of menu items.

BUT...I give it less than fourteen hours before I've emptied the silver coins from my cupholders into the outstretched hands of whatever unfortunate person punched in for the afternoon shift, leaning impatiently on the counter while I wait for a grease-soaked paper sack.

Bite. Smile. Weep. Repeat.

3) Have we all been so busy for the past several years that we somehow failed to notice that Luke Wilson killed and consumed the other two Wilson brothers?

Confidential to Luke Wilson: How are the Big Mac Wraps? Are there any left? Because I'm not going to change into my good sweatpants just for a sixer of McNuggets.

11 comments:

Crystal said...

A Big Mac Wrap?? Eww...I've just recently seen a new big chicken McWrap here in France, but it's stuffed full of rabbit food like cucumbers and lettuce and tomato (and likely some dijon mustard or crème fraiche). I doubt the French would go for something as "foreign" as a Big Mac Wrap. Unless it was a Big Mac Baguette....then, they'd be all over that shit.

WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot said...

The whole point of a Big Mac is that you don't SEE the "meat", it's so enveloped in squidgey bun and cello-lettuce and vinyl cheezefood and that weird crayola-flesh coloured sauce. I think that by revealing the "meat" in the less enveloping/easier to dissect wrap, McDonalds is opening their kimono a bit too much, you know?

Sandi said...

I've been noticing Luke Wilson's weight for a while. Thanks for pointing it out, so I don't seem crazy.

And Eric Clapton is finally starting to look like an old man.

rockygrace said...

I'll bet you a million bucks that the Mac Wrap Snack whatever-the-heck-it's-called is just a way for McDonald's to be able to SELL the burgers that break apart on the grill, as opposed to having to throw them away.

See also: Wendy's chili.

MonsteRawr said...

I have seen ads for the wrap. They make me want to vomit. Which, in a bizarre twist, is great for my diet.

Janet Isserlis said...

if you do, will you send us a picture?

please?

Michael said...

"Sixer" of McNuggets? Now I'm imagining dipping Allen Iverson in hot mustard sauce.

In regards to Eric Clapton, though-he may be old, but dear me, do I want that phone.

Jon said...

Our local McDonald's in Utah has 50 McNuggets for $9.99 this weekend. I guess to celebrate the Super Bowl. I'm on No. 24 as I type. ...

Anonymous said...

I think he just quit the blow.(so, uh, good for him i guess?) And yes, those wraps are nasty looking.

JMH said...

I think the Big Mac Wrap represents an effort to compete with Taco Bell for those suffering so much mentally and emotionally from the previous night's shame that in order to form an equilibrium they need to eat something that looks and tastes exactly like that shame.

Blogger said...

Anyone else wants a FREE MC DONALD'S GIFTCARD?